Saturday, December 05, 2009
2012
The year 2012 is a scheduled year in which all life on earth will cease to exist because the mayans ran out of rocks and stone slabs to complete their calender.
The knowledge of knowing that everyone is going to die will likely cause many other pre-apocalyptic events to happen. People will behave differently. This blog post will discuss two important events that will happen before the earth ends.
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The billion FMLs
When people realises that doomsday is coming, everyone panicks. Boyfriends and girlfriends will come together and console each other. Just kidding. They will go online and post their dismay on http://fmylife.com.
This will then cause http://fmylife.com to crash even before Satan's wraith is able to reach it due to the overwhelming number of hits it receives. Teenagers all around the globe will then be expected to log on to facebook to post their testimonials instead because it is cool to let your friends know that you are finally going to experience something worse than:
'being stuck in the rain for half an hour. FML'
'forgot my homework. FML'
'got a sucky lecturer who CANT TEACH SHIT!! FML' or
'ran for the bus and the driver did not see me and drove away. FML'
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The Baby boom
Another anticipated phenomenon is a large increase of infants into the world just before the apocalyptic event strikes, which will kill them all. To find out why the baby boom will occur, we must look back nine months before the start of the baby boom. It is at this period that many people get their first sexually transmitted disease, and this means :
People are not using condoms
People do not know how to use condoms
People accidentally tear their condoms
Condoms are out of stock
Condoms are expensive
or
People share needles when they are abusing drugs
It also means that people are actively engaging in sexual intercourse. Boyfriends and girlfriends will be having sex without condoms while perverts will be roaming around the streets raping people(without condoms).
And that is where babies come from.
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If 2012 is going to happen, what is stated above will become true. Condoms will go out of stock, websites will crash, your girlfriend will hookup with your bestfriend and worse of all, nobody will care.
Do you feel stupid after watching the movie '2012'?
Norman Au.
Blogged at 8:29 PM, +8 GMT
2 Comments:
Good article. Thank you.
By 
, at
January 16, 2011 9:36 PM
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By , at
February 24, 2011 8:25 AM
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Fun with Names
Haven't updated for quite a long while due to my promotional examinations, which accounts for the 3 months interval between the previous post and the current one.
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Names are usually given after different considerations such as how it will sound like, how long it is and such. These considerations are influenced by the believes of the individual, for example if he believes in luck (which also means he is retarded), he may name his child 'Lucky', which happens to sound like a dog's name(NO PUN INTENDED). Not forgetting how cultural behaviours affects the naming process as well.
This results billions of different names, from the typical mandarin names(surname + name) to english names (name + middle name + last name). Which is what makes it all the more interesting when you realise that you tend to know which names are very common and which names are rarely used. ( Question of the day: Is Peter Pan Chinese? Hint: Maybe NOT! )
Names such as "John, Tom, Peter, Francis, Susan" are all common names. Flip open any Enid Blyton's book and you can probably find some gnome, pixie or a loaf of bread named Thomas. But this isn't like ANY loaf of bread you'll see. This is a talking loaf of bread with an attitude.
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Names and how they influence how you picture a person with the respective name.
To put the title simply, it means how does a person look like if you only consider the person's name. For me, any name with 'fat' in its name would end up looking fat.
This means Loy Fatt, Fatimah, Fat, Fatin, Fatty, Fat Ass, Fatso are 100% similar. All of them are funny.
Of course there are the less common ones in which for example Margaret, which gives the impression of a high-class old lady, which can be very disturbing if the person with the name Margaret don't actually turn out to be so.
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Other uses of Names
Now, everyone can create shop names with just 2 of your friend's names! Just follow the simple template given below:
(Insert name of friend 1) & (Insert name of friend 2)
Examples of several very successful names are:
I have no idea what came into their minds when they actually come up with such names for their shops. Nonetheless, their shops became successful. I'm all ready to set up a 'Muthusamy & Chen Jun Jie' now.
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Norman Au.
Blogged at 11:50 PM, +8 GMT
0 Comments:
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Jokes
To date, i've heard of hundreds and hundreds of jokes, most of which are not funny when it comes from people who always seem to score higher grades in school than you(I have no idea why).These jokes ranges from discriminatory ones, random ones, sexual ones and study-related jokes. This is precisely what i want to point out in this post. Make only quality jokes or youll end up pissing everyone off.
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Studies and Humour do not mix. Jokes about studies are never funny. I mean seriously, what kind of jokes can you come up with regarding studies?
What is 1 + 1 = ?
It is obviously 2, and not window. But how did people come up with window as the answer! Stick around to find out! We'll be right back after the break.
Welcome back!
Jokes about studies are never good jokes. They are so stupid, no one appreciates them. It is like listening to someone talking on and on about their horoscope. Nobody cares about what the relationship between the stars and you ( and about another half a billion people who ought to experience something similar to you because they share the same horoscope with you as well), unless the stars are porn stars. Quit making jokes about studies.
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When you want to crack a joke, it must be stupid enough, yet not that stupid to not make sense. There are million of examples of bad jokes, such as:
What did you get when you cross a/an x and a/an y?
Where x/y can be
1)bunny
2)bitch
3)your mother
4)power ranger
5)barney
6)witch
7)carrot
And the answer to the joke is a mixture of x and y, say xy. What did you get when you cross a witch and a carrot? A witcarrot!
Familiar? Read it somewhere in the joke books before? I have no idea how these are considered jokes but i've seen many of these appearing in joke books. These type of statements are stupid(correct), but thats it. It won't make anyone laugh because its like telling your best friend that his mother just died.
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Rebuttal jokes that criticizes.
These are one of the worst jokes up to date. It is a definite no-no unless you want to use it to break up with your girlfriend, then its alright. For example,
Teacher: Do not always listen to what i say, try it out yourself.
Student(aka moron, bitch, dumbass, idiot, sucker, asshole, cock, handcock, handjob, blowjob): Then, aren't we still listening to you, teacher? HAHAHAH! Got you there didn't I!?
Your classmates don't need that kind of statement to figure that out, so you needn't point that out too. It just makes you seem more stupid than you already are. Everyone knows the teacher is trying to say that you should always do some research and not just accept what you are told readily. So don't point them out. You'll end up pissing everyone off, and if im in your class, youll end up being laughed at by everyone.
It isn't difficult to come up with funny jokes. These jokes just have to make some sense, not related to studies, often discriminatory in nature, doesn't require deep intellectual thinking and just have to be 'lame'.
However do note that when a joke is funny, make sure you do not use them EVERYDAY. It makes the quality joke lose all its humour, mainly because it is coming out from a stupid ass like you. The bottomline is, if you are not original, you are not funny. Would you like it if I keep repeating the same joke over and over again? Think before you talk
Norman Au.
Blogged at 4:51 PM, +8 GMT
1 Comments:
well said.
By , at
August 10, 2009 12:05 PM
