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Saturday, July 28, 2007


Sesame Street is not for Kids

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The truth is, Sesame street is a very bad influence. Fact: Sesame street has already cause public outrage in some countries.

Today, Sesame Street is banned in continents such as Asia, Africa, Australia, Europe, North America, South America.

Why is it banned?
The show contains too much bad influence. In a recent poll, sesame street was found to have 0% positive value, while 100% of negatives. Moreover, all of the characters there are criminals.

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Cookie monster

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Cookie monster is a mad monster who is extremely addicted to cookies. Cookie monster made every kid in the world cry because he ate all the cookies in the world. Cookie monster is a cookie addict.

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You are a cookie monster if you:
Realize you can't stop eating cookies
C is for cookies
You sniff cookie extract
You carry cookies with you
Actually eat a cookie
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Elmo

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Elmo, originally Adolf de elmore, is Hi+|er's illegitimate father. Born in 1843, Adolf de elmore is also a 'heroin' addict, and always stay high on drugs, as can be seen in the show "Sesame street" as a happy character. It is actually the effect of drugs. Later, Adolf de elmore married Juliet ( fiance of Romeo) and soon gave birth to Hi+|er.

Later on in his life, he lost his job as a journalist and went on to the media. He loved kids. As a last resort for a entertaining kids, he changed his name to Elmo, which is less tideous and more cheery than Adolf de elmore.

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Bert and Ernie

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Bert and Ernie is the first ever homosexual male couple screened that teaches children how to have sex with the same gender (for boys only) as young as 3years old. They view sex with the same gender in such positive light, that public outrage was therefore inevitable.

Quotes from Sesame street Bert and Ernie:
You, and he can live together.
You can sleep with your brother.
HIV is a bacteria that will make everyone around you more concerned and care more about you.
P is for penis
Girls are humji, you ask for fun in bed, they won't give you.
All boys will be boys
Your mom don't allow you to touch a girl. Boys are okay though.

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The part of Bert and Ernie always starts off with Bert and Ernie getting up the bed while moaning, with everything else messy (sign of sex). This start motivates viewers with innocent minds to be curious and try it out with their siblings of the same gender.

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Count von count

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Count von count scares the shit out of kids of math by showing them extremely difficult math concepts and discourages them from loving math at a young age. Recent results have shown that 89% of the kids who fail math knows of count von count, also known as the count.

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Big Bird

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"Big Bird is a penis in disguise" Robert Langdon

The sole purpose of Bigbird is to depict a picture of a penis without getting lawsuit. Thus explains why Big bird doesn't look like any bird you will ever see.

The character big bird in sesame street (the most famous character) is actually a penis in disguise, as shown in the picture. It shows the shape of a penis to kids without getting lawsuit as they did not really show a real penis. Early influence to pornography.

Bigbird's catchphrase is "Asking is a good way of finding things out!", which has the exact meaning of "Ask me for more sexual content pictures, and look at them all!"
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Oscar the Grouch

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Oscar the Grouch is a monster who actually lives in a rubbish bin who blocks you from throwing rubbish inside them. Try as you might, you will not succeed. This therefore causes land pollution.

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Grover

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Be free, not constricted at home.

The character Grover, is made to encourage children to fly with just a cape and a knight's helmet, thus increasing the rate of child's death per second, from 182 per second in 1943( before sesame street's release) to 341 per second in 1944 (Sesame street's official release) and finally to 968 per second in 1950.

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Zoe

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Zoe is the only female in Sesame street. It influences girls to wear miniskirts and tank tubes at an age of just 3. This character also encourages females to have underage sex with males.

Let the male's age be x. Zoe influences girls to have sex with the range of x<16 or x>70 only. It also encourages females to ask for money when having sex with guys. The followers of Zoe are often known as prostitutes.
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Sesame Street is evil.

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Norman.

Norman Au.



Blogged at 9:51 PM, +8 GMT


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Tuesday, July 24, 2007


My heart, your pet
Pets are animals. Caged animals, which people occasionally takes them out and abuse them. They make their pets wear clothes, rings, poke ear holes, make them listen to mp3, and smoke. All of them aren't aware that animals could die because of that.

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People, never ever keep a pet. Keeping a pet is equivalent to:

Being an A| Qae;da.

Having sex with the same gender

Playing pokemon


Playing tamagotchi


Stead in school


Never do homework



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Okay, this is for those who have pets ( you cruel people). Please do not attempt to let your pet wear clothes or any accessory. It simply looks weird. I've seen a hell lot of different types of animal clothings (absolutely useless, but are there anyway). Different people give different types of clothings and accessories.


Stereotypes

Sherlock Holmes style
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The cowboy style. Usually comes with very long clothings, maroon shoes with gloves, hat and a pair of shades. It is usually mysterious, and


Chio-bu style
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The chio-bu style. Usually with mini skirt, occasionally none at the bottom. Boots. sweater or any other sexy tops. Colors of clothings ranges around purple, pink, yellow, orange, white, black and red.

Emo style
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Applied eye shadow. Wearing nothing at all. Carrying a knife with lots of cuts.


Punk style
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Punky hairstyles. Occasionally with ear piercings. Belt, jeans and shirt is a must. Sometimes comes with a cigarette.
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There's something else that i want to clarify here: animals can't mimic a celebrity in singing or dancing. Even if it is trying to, it fails. It can't look like a human. I mean, what kind of dance can animals give? Move left and right, jump around and thats about all. Humans can do far more than that.

Animals can't sing like humans. Face it. You never see a dog in front of the stage singing taufik batisa's song do you? Yet I don't understand why there are so many reports from people claiming that their pet can sing/dance like xxx. Bullshit.

Norman Au.



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Friday, July 20, 2007


FIRE ALERT.

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If your house don't have fire alert

What is fire alert? Fire alert is an alarm system where you will be alerted if there is a fire near the place you are at. A fire alert system is installed everywhere:

* Schools
* Camp sites
* Fire station
* Toilets
* Your house

The fire alert system will let out a sharp and continuous ringing after it is set off. Many parents use them as alarm clocks to wake their child up for school every morning because it is very effective.

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Experts say you should at least hit the fire alert system once a year. Are you up to standard? How do you activate a fire alert to others if you spot a fire? Many people panic when they see this.

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Don't be. Use it when necessary. If your friends are sleeping, hit it. If you don't get what you teacher is talking about in class, hit it. Heck, hit it for fun. All attention will then be on you.

You can scare your friends too! If you are stronger then your friend, grab his hand and push it near the fire alarm button (make sure you don't accidentally break it!). That would probably scare him out totally. Now keep doing this until your friend shout. Once he/she did, shove your friend's hand into the button.

Norman.

Next post tomorrow.

Norman Au.



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Sunday, July 15, 2007


Fantastic Four is gay, never watch it.
Watching Fantastic Four is like planting a bom;b in the MRT in Si;ngapore, walking under a ladder, breaking 40582 mirrors at one go, taking drugs, and turning to be Al Q;aeda. Once you watched it, your life is ruined. Gone. No more freedom. No more life.

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Do you have the strength...to surf on silver?

Basically, everyone shouldn't watch Fantastic Four because its a trick. Its just an attempt by someone to let you look at four monsters fighting more monsters. But that someone decided to add 'Fantastic' to four for no reason at all.

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They are humans? Wrong. They are monsters. All of them. The first one ( Mr Fantastic) is equivalent to a rubber band ( he can stretch real long). That means he got the properties of a rubber band, if you actually cut him when he's stetched, he'll snap. He is made from the milky latex of various trees, most of him the Hevea rubber tree.

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The second one is a thing.(The thing) Just look at it's name. Who the hell will call him/herself a thing??? Where is it's parents???? Do you know what happened to it's parents? Let me explain, starting with sex.

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So this particular sperm goes into the thing's mother's vagina and fertilized the egg. And gradually after nine months, the mother died because the rock rubbed against the mother's womb too much and burst it. The father died because he tripped on the blood on the floor. That is the end of his family.
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The invisible women, needless to say, can become invisible. What is she made of?? What compound? How does she do it??? And the last one ( Human torch). Nice. Use him for the Olympics. He'll come in handy when it comes to lighting the Olympic Torch.
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Fantastic Four is not suitable for all ages you see.
You can't show it to kids between (0- 12) because it will definitely scare the fuck out of them. You can't show it to teenagers between (13-20) because they are all busy growing up. You can't just disturb their puberty can you.
You cant show it to ages between (21-35) because they are busy making a family.
You cant show it to ages between (36-50) because they are busy looking after a family.
You cant show it to ages between (51-~) because they find it childish.

You cant show it to anyone in the world. Who the fuck created Fantastic Four??
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Norman.

Norman Au.



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Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Anime

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Animes are the drawings of a 5year old child who have recently broke both his hands and started using his legs to draw humanoid figures. It is then sent to an artist to improve on it but still failed. Anime characters are basically deformed humans. But somehow they still look cool and nice to certain people (depending on taste). Do you know what is an anime?

Anime = [ Human + Huge eyes + small nose + mouth without red/pink lips color + unrealistic hair (usually colored) ] x extremely good photoshop.


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Some pictures however, really looks like anime, but they are not. Below are some examples of pictures which seem to be animes, but are actually not animes. Don't be surprised.



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This is not an anime despite the big eyes unrealistic hair, mouth without red/pink lips, and the insignificant nose. Be patient with yourself. You need a higher level of skill to differenciate this from anime.

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This is also not an anime.
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Can't get the hang of it? Don't fret it. Heres a small test to brush up your anime-differentiation skill.

Spot the anime!

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Anime and You.

This is what you can do after you master your anime-differentiation skills extremely well. Turn your friend into an anime.

From this...

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...
...


...
...


...
...


...
...

to this

...

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(Click on image to enlarge)

Norman.

Norman Au.



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Sunday, July 08, 2007


Fun with graphs
I went for my dental appointment today, and as I was on the LRT back home from the appointment when 4 primary school boys walk into the train with yu gi oh decks in each of their hands. Nothing wrong with that(except the yu gi oh cards).

The thing is, they were all wearing very short pants. All of them. And tight pants which you can never pull it down. Actually its okay, but then you realize they are boys. Anyway i noticed that the length of what you wear to cover your legs depends on your age.

Note: There is a link between the guys and the girls.

Graph 1
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As the length of the pants(guys) increases, the skirt(girls) decreases.

Noticed that? Everyone is fine with that actually, except some people. I listed out some graphs of what some people of various thinkings and occupations hope the graph will look like.
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Graph 2: Teacher's hope.
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Graph 3: Most boys hope.
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Graph 4: Girls.
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*zigzag random Brownian motion can be observed*

Just joking for the last graph. Don't ever take it seriously. Ever.

Norman.

Norman Au.



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Friday, July 06, 2007


Hobbies
Everyone have hobbies. Hobbies are the best thing in the world because they are activities or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Basically hobbies are also what you do in the free time, like when you get bored in a maths lesson.

Hobbies are the best thing in the world... I have a hobby. I like to draw in the free time. But thats out of point. The fun thing now is hobbies can be anything; swimming, reading, running, blogging. Anything! It is like 'x', where 'x' is a variable and 'y' = 0.

Everyone have hobbies. Stalin does. Hitler does. But the special thing about their hobbies is that it involves killing people, which is actually okay if you really think of it. Killing people in the free time.

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There are people that I know of who have hobbies too, although not as fantastic and amazing as Hitler's and Stalin's hobbies, at least they have hobbies. They eats, sleeps and smiles.

The thing i don't get it is how they consider these three things as hobbies. I see them everywhere in friendster. whats your hobby?? Oh, sleeping! I sleep too. The thing is, sleeping, eating and smiling are like sex: they are necessary.
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Listing them as hobbies is as equivalent to saying " I had sex with Michael jack`son. ", and you happen to be a guy.
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been rather busy lately. Videos listed below.

Trap on treetop walk 2


Hit by a stick


Next post, tomorrow(confirmed).

Norman Au.



Blogged at 11:12 PM, +8 GMT


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Sunday, July 01, 2007


Coca cola or Water?

Have you ever received some extremely irritating emails that tells you to choose which one of something do you like? For example the question is "Do you want to drink coke or water?". Be prepared. What follows next will change your opinion.

Its really quite irritating actually. You do love coke more than water, but you know that the texts that follows are completely biased against coke.

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This is the text that are present in the mail itself:

Water

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#1) 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.)

#2) In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is mistaken for hunger.

#3) Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as mu8ch as 30%.

#4) One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

#5) Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

#6) Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

#7) A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

#8) Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
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Coke
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#1 In many states the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.



#2 You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke
and it will be gone in two days.

#3 To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.



#4 To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.


#5 To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.


#6 To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.



#7 To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.


#8 To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

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FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

#1) The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

#2) To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) commercial trucks must use hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

#3) The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean engines of the trucks for about 20 years!

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Fuck you.
Just look at how biased it is. "Oh, oh. Coke or water:)?" "Psssst. I got the answer. it starts with 'W' and ends with 'ater'." Want to know why? Heres another hint! Basically, coke is acidic. Anything acidic is bad. No matter what pH value it has because if you put an object in it long enough, it will eventually dissolve to nothing.

Now imagine you drink coke when you are 3. Now you are 18. The difference is 15years which is equivalent to 5464 days. According to the email, coke will dissolve a nail (Let us all forget that nails are metal, and when metal and acid comes in contact, hydrogen is produced and the metal will be gone) in about four days!

If you actually went to work it out, (and if your body have nails) you would already be lacking of 1366nails in your body. Isn't it amazing? Now imagine you are a mechanic and you accidentally stuffed one hundred nails into your entire body, yet you are alive. How long will you take to recover? (Note: 1 nail to dissolve = 4 days)

Solution:
Number of days for you to recover
= 100 x 4
= 400.

You will take 400 days to recover
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Other advantages of coke includes:

When you are angry with someone, and you happen to be holding a bottle of coke, try this. You open the bottle of coke and pour it in his face. Next you make him unconscious so that he will not be able to wash away the coke on his face for at least 4 days.

When you are in jail, bring coke. It rules. You could get out in a matter of days, depending on how thick the metal is.

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WARNING: IF YOUR COKE COMES IN CAN, DO NOT KEEP IT FOR MORE THAN 4 DAYS.
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Ditch this bullshit.

Norman
(videos uploaded by next post)

Norman Au.



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Started on 1st January2007.



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