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Thursday, August 30, 2007


Inventions
Technology has constantly been improving. Inventions are constantly being made everyday. Inventions that most of us heard of benefits us in lots of ways. These are inventions like lightbulb, computers, cellphones. Who the hell don't have them. Of course, at the same time, stupid inventions are also being made.

Top 3 useless inventions.

The solar-powered torchlight

This invention may sound high-tech, but in fact, it's actually useless.
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Tom: Oh shit, i lot my pen underneath this cupboard!
Mum: Shine the torchlight dear.
Tom: I can't.
Mum: Why not?
Tom: It's at night.
Mum: And?
Tom: The torch won't work as there aren't enough energy!
Mum: Wait for tomorrow morning then.
Tom: I don't need a torch in the daytime.
Mum: ...You don't be rude to your mum now Tom.

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Battery-charger
Alright, battery-chargers aren't exactly useless. Since you pay electricity bills to charge up your batteries which is required for your equipments. At least some equipments are only battery-operated, which makes the battery-charger useful. Or maybe, just maybe, you can BUY more batteries.

The worse thing is, you actually use a battery-operated battery charger.

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Segway

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First of all its way too costly. The main purpose of the segway is to transport human. Yep. Like many other inventions, the segway boast about these little chips and micro processors that nobody really cares. The amazing thing about the segway is that it can balance itself on two wheels( which made it super costly).

One reason not to buy the segway is that you can just add an extra wheel for it to balance, and save thousands of dollars for other items. The other reason is that you don't actually need a segway, since it travels only around 20km per hour. Who the hell needs that kind of transport? If you are travelling long distances, buy a car. If you are travelling short distances, i propose a good idea. You Walk.
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Norman

Norman Au.



Blogged at 8:10 PM, +8 GMT


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Saturday, August 25, 2007


Halloween
(fiction)
Halloween is one day of the year where kids get to dress like a stupid shit, walk around asking for sweets (Note: This is no different from a beggar) . This is why Singapore don't celebrate Halloween you see. Beggars are illegal in Singapore.

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First there is this "Trick or Treat!". What the hell is that? Is it a trick or is it a treat? Make up your mind. Wake up your bloody idea, or you can knock it down.

"Trick or Treat!" is what beggers say during Halloween. Its just like a different phrase, but complete with similar meaning. Its like " Beggar, Lazzaroni, Pauper, Fucker ". All of them have the same meaning. Trick or Treat also means "Please give me food, Please give me water, Got 10cents?" It just depend on the seasons (summer autumn winter spring).

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Halloween is probably the worst day in the world. It is the day when everyone becomes a ghost.

Norman
(Short post, next post probably thursday).

Norman Au.



Blogged at 9:57 PM, +8 GMT


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Sunday, August 19, 2007


It doesn't really make sense.

People. Have you ever questioned yourself how you fall down? I did. I usually fall during a soccer match because i tend to stop suddenly, resulting in loss of balance and eventually falling down. This happens very often to me, so i kind of got use to it. Another way which i usually fall is because the floor is wet, most probably due to rain. But most often, i fall down because

..

I fucking stepped on a banana peel.

I don't understand. Why do adults teach young children that banana peel is slippery? I mean, whats the point? I don't see people going around telling everyone crap like these.

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This is because it doesn't really matter. People don't really care about the texture of fruit peels, people care about the fruit. Whether it sucks or not. Now look carefully at the picture again.

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Notice the banana peel in front of the boy? What do you think will happen? Will he step on it? If so, then what?

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Now take a closer look. Now you know the boy is definitely going to step on it without a doubt. The question now is what will happen if he step on it.

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...
...
...
...
...

...

...

...

...

...

...
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So the boy fell. Which he shouldn't anyway because you just can't. i took a simple experiment using a stick and a small pyramid to prove that.

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First, i use a small pyramid to replace the banana peel, since the shape of the banana peel and the pyramid is similar to a large extent. Then i replace the boy's leg with a FALLEN tree branch (which means i didn't break any branches off trees).

What i do is simple. I hold the tree branch firmly in place as shown in the picture above. Then i slowly pushed the stick down vertically, perpendicular to the ground, touching the pyramid at an angle of around 0-90 degree. Surprisingly the stick did not slip out of my hand. This proves that you can't fall on banana peels.

So what had happened? The pyramid had moved to the right. It didn't really stand a chance against the stick really.
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Now lets ASSUME that people can actually fall when he/she steps on banana peel alright. Who the hell will be so unlucky anyway? Who the hell throws banana peel ON THE FLOOR everywhere they go? I mean, do you see banana peels everyday? Its not as if banana peels are invisible either. Its bright yellow, and the ground you are stepping on will probably be grey, which creates a very significant contrast.

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HOW THE HELL CAN YOU STILL STEP ON A BANANA PEEL???

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Norman.

Norman Au.



Blogged at 5:07 PM, +8 GMT


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Monday, August 13, 2007


UFOs
UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) are occasionally spotted by people. UFOs are actually fucked up. All they've been spotted doing is to float around doing nothing. After you spot it, it will suddenly disappear as somehow, it sense that someone has spotted it, and must vanish so that no one can identify it.

Have you ever heard about people who dedicate their whole life into UFOs. They sit in front of their computers the whole day looking at pictures like this, pondering.

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Could it be...a UFO on a retort stand?

FACTS about UFOs:
* definitely contain aliens even though all the people saw was a floating disc disappearing as soon as it has been spotted.
* comes from outer space for SURE.
* mainly spotted by people in Europe.

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So now let us summarize this once and for all. Aliens build spaceships. These spaceships flies onto Earth for an unknown reason, floating around doing nothing and disappears upon sight of humans. Either one of this following statement is right: E-uropeans observe their sky more than others; UFOs come to Earth to observe Europe-ans; Eur-opeans thinks that anything disc-like is a UFO.

(short post, next post tmr)

Norman

Norman Au.



Blogged at 9:30 PM, +8 GMT


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Saturday, August 11, 2007


Merger


In conjunction with the recent Singapore's National Day Parade: City Of Maybe, I, Norman, hereby announce that, in accordance to the lack of crap, where many of you had stated:-

"Seriously, actions have to be taken, when the webmaster is not doing his (blow)job, its not funny. Shut up."

...will be forming a reciprocated (omg! what is that?) relationship with the President(and his honour) of Fiqo.blogspot.com to bring you, the maximum pleasure(try dragging the "sure" part of pleasure, you will get pleasure!) from the crap both of us have written. After a series of beta testing around the Singapore: City of Maybe, many of them had stated:-

"Wow, exciting new content! Its like two heavens joining together, to form one heaven! Shut up."


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Yesterday, the Marching Contingent of the 31st Fiqo Infantry Regiment did a march-in at the floating platform at Marina. It was a great day. This is what others said:-

"It was a great day."
"My sergeant was happy."
"Ashraf."
"The sir gave wrong command, but no one know. Haha, I laugh. Quite funny. Shut up."

So, let us celebrate by visiting Fiqo.blogspot.com !



Norman Au.



Blogged at 10:54 PM, +8 GMT


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Sunday, August 05, 2007


Just Eat

People, I know all of you are health conscious to a certain extent(me too), which is okay as long as you do not go overboard. If you are too health conscious, you will end up drinking only plain water because everything else harms your body in some way.

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You can't eat any of this if you are too health conscious

Warning: Never eat with someone who is too health conscious. If your friend is too health conscious, you will realize that he doesn't eat anything at all, because everything is harmful. Your conversation with your friend would probably be this.

You: Okay, whats your favourite food.
Friend: Use to be cabbage.
You: Then whats your favourite food now?
Friend: None.
You: Why?
Friend: Now, chemicals are use to aid growth of cabbage which is harmful to our body
You: What about chicken?
Friend: Antibiotics ae injected in them to make them grow faster.
You: Fish?
Friend: Chemical wastes in the sea.
You: ANY TYPE OF MEAT??
Friend: You will be dead if you eat them, my friend.
You: Any vegetable???
Friend: You will die in 5 years if you eat 300 servings of carrots in a week.
You: Liquid?
Friend: You will die tomorrow.

If you actually think of it, most of the food now are processed. If you really want to eat unprocessed food, you can limit yourself not to eat anything that is processed. This way, you will not eat anything and die of hunger.

Instead of complaining and freaking out, you should realize that our country makes sure that our food is safe for consuming. There isn't really much for you people to worry about. Besides, most of the chemicals in the food requires you to eat a hell lot of them in a short period of time before any significant negative effect is observed.

Fact: All anorex;ic patients are a'norexic because they are too health conscious or they are jackasses. In fact, one million people have become anor'exic because they do not eat chickens due to the chemical compound found in them.

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Health conscious test

Take this test to find out whether you are too health conscious! If you get most of the answers correct, you are anorexic.

Take a look at this innocuous-looking chicken.
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What will increase if you eat these chicken?
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Answer:
This chicken actually increases your chance of getting cancer, fever, myopia, dengue fever, heart failure, kidney failure, infertility, chicken pox, lung cancer, brain cancer, stomach flu, cold, rashes, immediate death. It is also believed to cause small pox, gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV.

Norman.

Norman Au.



Blogged at 5:28 PM, +8 GMT


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