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Monday, September 24, 2007


Assholes on public transports

You know those inconsiderate assholes you get to see once in a while on a bus-ride last time? It has grown. Now, you can spot at least 1 per public transport ride you take.

I've taken the effort to type out each type of asshole that i deem an asshole which you can find on the regular public transport. Each group are distinctively different from another, and most distinct from non-assholes, so you'll instantly recognize them when you board the transport.

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1) Situation: The Urgent Dick head

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Usually spotted when you are entering the bus, some random asshole will appear out from nowhere, and push everyone else away from the bus in the process to get up the bus as quickly as possible. It is as if they are competing who can get up the bus first. This is called the urgent dick head. The irony being that most of them aren't actually urgent, but still do it anyway.

They also frequently appear in the MRT station. It is especially irritating when you are unable to get out of the train because they barge in before you are able to get out. Yet despite all the aunties and uncles complaining about school kids causing inconvenience in public transports, they themselves are usually the dickheads.

Solution: Urgent Dick Head

There isn't any known solution for dick heads boarding the bus to me yet.

However, for those boarding the MRT, create a commotion so as to embarrass them. When they barge in, you can shout " Alamak, where is your courtesy??". For a better result, you can also add some stupid terms to make them move away such as "HOT! HOT! BOILING WATER!!" or "SHIT! MY PENKNIFE!". A better way is to really hold a jug of boiling water and really bring a penknife to drop it. If it still doesn't work, do not just barge through unless you are certain that you will not injure anyone.

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2) The brittle man

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A serious asshole usually found in MRTs. These people are not as common as the urgent dick heads, but more irritating, so as to compensate for their rare appearances.

Everyone hates the brittle man. I'm not talking about those that lies on empty poles ( That doesn't mean those aren't assholes. They still are, only that on a more minor scale). I'm talking about poles that people are holding onto. The brittle man will just lie on your hand regardless of anything.

Solution

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Protrude your index and middle finger outwards

Simple. But risks yourself getting beaten up, though the chances are still low considering you are on a PUBLIC TRANSPORT. Alternatively, you can wriggle your hand and move it up and down along the pole.

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3) The Fatass

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This particular asshole need not really be a fatass. There are two types of this asshole. One doesn't know how to move in to empty spaces to enable people to board the bus, the other doesn't know how to lift his butt off the seat to let others out.

Solution:
No solution yet.
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Don't you just hate assholes? Yes you do.

Norman.

Norman Au.



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