Normanau posting blog

2012

2009-12-05T20:29:00.009+08:00

2012

The year 2012 is a scheduled year in which all life on earth will cease to exist because the mayans ran out of rocks and stone slabs to complete their calender.

The last recorded date of the Mayan calendar is December 21, 2012 A.D. Because calendars are supposed to record earth days, the last earth day will also fall on this date. This is why everyone will die and all life will cease to exist. Thus we can come up with the logical conclusion that everyone will die and face the wraith of Satan as he whips out megatsunamis, earthquakes and volcanic activities out of nowhere and slam gigantic rocks right in your face.

The knowledge of knowing that everyone is going to die will likely cause many other pre-apocalyptic events to happen. People will behave differently. This blog post will discuss two important events that will happen before the earth ends.
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The billion FMLs

When people realises that doomsday is coming, everyone panicks. Boyfriends and girlfriends will come together and console each other. Just kidding. They will go online and post their dismay on http://fmylife.com.

This will then cause http://fmylife.com to crash even before Satan's wraith is able to reach it due to the overwhelming number of hits it receives. Teenagers all around the globe will then be expected to log on to facebook to post their testimonials instead because it is cool to let your friends know that you are finally going to experience something worse than:
'being stuck in the rain for half an hour. FML'
'forgot my homework. FML'
'got a sucky lecturer who CANT TEACH SHIT!! FML' or
'ran for the bus and the driver did not see me and drove away. FML'

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The Baby boom

Another anticipated phenomenon is a large increase of infants into the world just before the apocalyptic event strikes, which will kill them all. To find out why the baby boom will occur, we must look back nine months before the start of the baby boom. It is at this period that many people get their first sexually transmitted disease, and this means :

People are not using condoms
People do not know how to use condoms
People accidentally tear their condoms
Condoms are out of stock
Condoms are expensive
or
People share needles when they are abusing drugs

It also means that people are actively engaging in sexual intercourse. Boyfriends and girlfriends will be having sex without condoms while perverts will be roaming around the streets raping people(without condoms).

And that is where babies come from.
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If 2012 is going to happen, what is stated above will become true. Condoms will go out of stock, websites will crash, your girlfriend will hookup with your bestfriend and worse of all, nobody will care.

Do you feel stupid after watching the movie '2012'?

FunNames

2009-09-30T23:50:00.010+08:00

Fun with Names

Haven't updated for quite a long while due to my promotional examinations, which accounts for the 3 months interval between the previous post and the current one.
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Names are usually given after different considerations such as how it will sound like, how long it is and such. These considerations are influenced by the believes of the individual, for example if he believes in luck (which also means he is retarded), he may name his child 'Lucky', which happens to sound like a dog's name(NO PUN INTENDED). Not forgetting how cultural behaviours affects the naming process as well.

This results billions of different names, from the typical mandarin names(surname + name) to english names (name + middle name + last name). Which is what makes it all the more interesting when you realise that you tend to know which names are very common and which names are rarely used. ( Question of the day: Is Peter Pan Chinese? Hint: Maybe NOT! )

Names such as "John, Tom, Peter, Francis, Susan" are all common names. Flip open any Enid Blyton's book and you can probably find some gnome, pixie or a loaf of bread named Thomas. But this isn't like ANY loaf of bread you'll see. This is a talking loaf of bread with an attitude.

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Names and how they influence how you picture a person with the respective name.

To put the title simply, it means how does a person look like if you only consider the person's name. For me, any name with 'fat' in its name would end up looking fat.

This means Loy Fatt, Fatimah, Fat, Fatin, Fatty, Fat Ass, Fatso are 100% similar. All of them are funny.

Of course there are the less common ones in which for example Margaret, which gives the impression of a high-class old lady, which can be very disturbing if the person with the name Margaret don't actually turn out to be so.

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Other uses of Names

Now, everyone can create shop names with just 2 of your friend's names! Just follow the simple template given below:

(Insert name of friend 1) & (Insert name of friend 2)

Examples of several very successful names are:

I have no idea what came into their minds when they actually come up with such names for their shops. Nonetheless, their shops became successful. I'm all ready to set up a 'Muthusamy & Chen Jun Jie' now.
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Jokes

2009-07-26T16:51:00.006+08:00

Jokes

To date, i've heard of hundreds and hundreds of jokes, most of which are not funny when it comes from people who always seem to score higher grades in school than you(I have no idea why).These jokes ranges from discriminatory ones, random ones, sexual ones and study-related jokes. This is precisely what i want to point out in this post. Make only quality jokes or youll end up pissing everyone off.

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Studies and Humour do not mix. Jokes about studies are never funny. I mean seriously, what kind of jokes can you come up with regarding studies?

What is 1 + 1 = ?

It is obviously 2, and not window. But how did people come up with window as the answer! Stick around to find out! We'll be right back after the break.

Welcome back!

Jokes about studies are never good jokes. They are so stupid, no one appreciates them. It is like listening to someone talking on and on about their horoscope. Nobody cares about what the relationship between the stars and you ( and about another half a billion people who ought to experience something similar to you because they share the same horoscope with you as well), unless the stars are porn stars. Quit making jokes about studies.

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When you want to crack a joke, it must be stupid enough, yet not that stupid to not make sense. There are million of examples of bad jokes, such as:

What did you get when you cross a/an x and a/an y?
Where x/y can be

1)bunny
2)bitch
3)your mother
4)power ranger
5)barney
6)witch
7)carrot

And the answer to the joke is a mixture of x and y, say xy. What did you get when you cross a witch and a carrot? A witcarrot!

Familiar? Read it somewhere in the joke books before? I have no idea how these are considered jokes but i've seen many of these appearing in joke books. These type of statements are stupid(correct), but thats it. It won't make anyone laugh because its like telling your best friend that his mother just died.

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Rebuttal jokes that criticizes.
These are one of the worst jokes up to date. It is a definite no-no unless you want to use it to break up with your girlfriend, then its alright. For example,

Teacher: Do not always listen to what i say, try it out yourself.
Student(aka moron, bitch, dumbass, idiot, sucker, asshole, cock, handcock, handjob, blowjob): Then, aren't we still listening to you, teacher? HAHAHAH! Got you there didn't I!?

Your classmates don't need that kind of statement to figure that out, so you needn't point that out too. It just makes you seem more stupid than you already are. Everyone knows the teacher is trying to say that you should always do some research and not just accept what you are told readily. So don't point them out. You'll end up pissing everyone off, and if im in your class, youll end up being laughed at by everyone.

It isn't difficult to come up with funny jokes. These jokes just have to make some sense, not related to studies, often discriminatory in nature, doesn't require deep intellectual thinking and just have to be 'lame'.

However do note that when a joke is funny, make sure you do not use them EVERYDAY. It makes the quality joke lose all its humour, mainly because it is coming out from a stupid ass like you. The bottomline is, if you are not original, you are not funny. Would you like it if I keep repeating the same joke over and over again? Think before you talk

Myth

2009-06-09T15:28:00.005+08:00

Myths

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Bacteria

Bacteria has been around us since the beginning of time. They have endured the sands of time and still prosper to this date. In modern times, some bacteria have even evolved to a stage that they can grow on your face! This means that your face are actually covered by millions of these disgusting creatures.

Some people also claim that the uglier you are, the more bacteria you have on your face. I mean seriously, looking at the pictures below, who do you think have more bacteria on their face?

(Please click on the link to view because the pictures may prove to be too gruesome for some)

Picture1
Picture2
Picture3

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The timer

Theres this saying that when you drop food particles on the floor, you can pick it up and eat it within x seconds, with 'x' being 3, 5, or 10 usually. After the stipulated 'x' seconds, you shouldn't eat it anymore because its dirty already.

It is also true that if you position your face to a pile of shit, then proceed to quickly shoving your face right into it, and removing your face from the pile of shit, your girlfriend will not mind kissing you! At least for people who actually believe in the myth about the 'x' seconds, it holds true.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Heres a little education for people who believe in the myth. bacteria do not walk to your food. This means that when your food actually drops on the floor, the bacteria does not get onto the food by walking or running. It also does not climb. Instead, it gets stuck on the food when the two surfaces contact.

This is similar to the example that if i slap your face really hard, skin cells from my hand gets stuck in your face. I do not need to hold it for some time for it to get stuck on your face. I'm ready whenever you are interested for a test.

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The sperm killer

It is also known as Green Tea. Heck, I don't even know HOW people come up with the idea that green tea kills sperms. Which part of 'green tea' makes people think that it kills sperms? Is it the 'green' or the 'tea'? I don't get it. It kills sperms? Apply it when you're having sex then. Don't use a condom.

Please if you mean it reduces sperm count, say so. It doesn't kill sperm. Reducing sperm count is very different from sperm killing. Besides, if you think you're right that it reduces sperm count, you're wrong too. I don't get why people actually like to believe what their friends say rather than trust the government that they'll at least tell their citizens that green tea reduces sperm count when they allow for green tea to be sold?

Take a look at this.

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After reading this post, i would appreciate it if you ever come across something vague that your friend tells you, like how green tea kills sperms, please do not believe them readily unless you actually researched. PROPERLY. Its not that your friends are not trustworthy, its just that they may have gotten the information from another friend.

Hence i urge everyone to stop spreading these myths unless you actually searched and found them out to be true.

Other popular myths includes how you are better than me, and why i am not perfect.
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Norman

MSNaware

2009-03-21T17:13:00.009+08:00

MSN awareness

Finally an update to my blog. I have not forgotten about my blog, its just that i don't update it frequently. Probably 10 times or less a year and such only. However, updates are constant. About a blog post a month.

Updates will be given if there are any changes to the above notification.
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I think people should really be more careful when they are browsing the internet. Seriously. More and more people seem to be getting these irritating computer viruses like trojans or whatever, which indirectly affects me sometimes through windows life messenger. Thus, this inspired me to post the following post so that everyone can learn from it and thus will not get their computer infected with irritating viruses or malware again.

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1) 'I've got a picture of you in your birthday suit!'

I don't get it. Why do people even use the term 'birthday suit' to say that people are naked? They should just use the words 'naked, not wearing anything, porn, sexy, hot'.

And why do people click on them? Its pretty obvious that i doesnt come from your friend. Don't click it. I mean, how many friends do you have that begins typing to you in msn with a capital letter in the first place? Much less if you consider how many actually say 'hi' to you first before asking any questions at all.

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2) 'Hey click here to see me naked'

This is not that bad. At least the chances of anyone clicking is very low. Simply because of the following reasons, but first, let the person's computer infected with the virus be person A and his/her to-be-victim be person B.

Person A and person B may belong to the same sex!

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3) 'Click here to see who's blocking you in MSN'

By far, I have the least respect for people who actually clicks on this. It is like your friend actually sees it, wonders for a while who is blocking him/her, and clicks it eventually. People who actually got this virus must be a total jerk to actually be able to piss so many friends off such that they would want to block them.

(Click to enlarge)

An example of an irritant.
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*WARNING: The above post contains some sexual representation using stick figurines.*

Norman.

Relationship

2009-01-01T23:10:00.001+08:00

Relationships

Relationships are common. Everywhere you go, you are bound to spot at least a couple holding hands (be it boy with girl, girl with girl or boy with boy). There are many types of relationships. Sexual relationship, Intimate relationship, BFF(Best friends forever) relationship. Boys and girls are most commonly associated with the first two, sexual and intimate, while girls and girls are most commonly related by the BFF relation(or so they claim). Later on, some couples even proceed on to another form of relationship. A failed relationship.

Of course, some may find it hard to find their partner at their first attempt. Here are some tips to woo a girl ( preferably for guys ).

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1)

Girls like guys who are straight forward. Guys who beat around the bush or lie are a turnoff. So in order to attract the girl you like, you must be straight to the point, cut-out, clear in what you are trying to say. And you must never lie to a girl.

Example1:

Lets say you asked a girl for her number. And she asked 'why?'. At this point of time some guys would probably come up with some miserable excuse like

'So we can keep in contact. And we'll be able to contact each other more easily and often'.

This is true. But many girls will misunderstand it. What the guy means by 'contact' actually mean physical contact. The first letter of the word 'physical' is similar to the first letter of the word 'pleasurable'. Coincidence? I don't think so!

As you can see, the guy is not being straightforward, and thus the girl will not give him her number. The only way to get the girl's number is to tell her straight to the point what you will achieve by having her number:

"So our relationship will become closer. Our bodies will get closer, and we will be able to touch each other more to make each other pleased."

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2)

Try to impress. If you like a girl, do not just say ' I like you' or ' I love you'. Since girls need a sense of security, what you lack is the elaboration. How much do you love her? You must let the girl know. If necessary, phrases below will help you:

'Dear, you are so hot that i am sweating.', Rating: 5stars

'I love you as much as my father loves my mother.', Rating:4stars

'I really really need you so much that i will pay any amount of money to obtain you.',Rating:2stars

'I'm busy now, but i promise you i will think of you later.',Rating:1star

If a girl questions your love for her, here is an alternative phrase to help you:

'Nothing is wrong when love is right' *credits to a friend who shall remain anonymous* Rating: 5 stars

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3)

To add on to show how much the girl means to your heart, NEVER forget to make sure that your msn nickname shows how much the girl means to you. For those who are already together, never forget to put the date when both of you become boyfriend and girlfriend, ever. Also never forget to leave at least a part of your msn nickname for the girl. For example, if the girl's name is Jude, you can follow the following example. Lets say your msn nickname is 'I am hungry':

'I am hungry.04/06/2008. <3, Jude

Or if you are the shy type, and dont want your friends knowing about the girl(they will still know anyway, its just to keep you happy), you can follow the following example:

'I am hungry. J'

Notice that you do not put the date where you get together with the girl. Why? Because you do not want others to find out both of you are together. It doesn't matter if some of your friends know already and they actually are capable of spreading the message through various means. Just make an effort to hide it. A little will do.

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Try these methods out. It will work.

I think.

Norman Au.

Taxi

2008-11-12T21:24:00.006+08:00

Taxi

Haven't been posting for a while. Kind of missed blogging haha, thanks to O levels, which is now thankfully over.

This is not a nonsensical post.

Many people in Singapore thinks that Taxi Drivers in Singapore are out to get as much money from each individual as possible. To do this, the drivers may carry out several underhanded methods to earn the extra cash, the most common being taking unnecessary detours, driving slowly on purpose, and even driving into a traffic jam on purpose. Heck, taxi drivers are depicted by the general public as a bunch of assholes who are out to cheat everyone of that extra dollar.

I assure you that this is not the case.

Reality is that taxi drivers are profit maximizers. This means that their income are very dependent on the trips they make. However, how do taxi drivers maximize their profits? Is it by earning extra cash out of each and every trip? No. In fact, taxi drivers will almost never want to earn that extra dollar from you(except that if you are giving them tips).

Lets first consider the relation between the relative time taken for each trip and the trip's cost. If taxi drivers wants to earn more money in a single trip, they would have to delay the trip somehow, through ways such as taking unnecessary detours and such. By doing this, the time taken for each trip will be longer.

Lets say a taxi driver works 8 hours a day. On his usual days, he would probably be able to get lets say, 20 passengers. Now by taking unnecessary detours, the time taken for his average trip will have lengthen, though however, he manage to get a few extra dollars. Lets say each passenger he manage to get a dollar more. Now, he would get about 14passengers.

Now, you have to consider the fact that for every trip the taxi drivers make, the initial amount that the passenger have to pay is already $2.80. Not forgetting if the driver is working mid night shift and everything.

If you think about it, it would be more profitable for a driver to actually take up more trips than increasing the amount earned per trip. Lets say a driver gets 20 passengers, and averaged $6 per trip. The amount earned would be $120. Now consider the driver gets 14 passengers, and averaged $7 per trip. The amount earned would be only $98.

Therefore there is really no way a taxi driver will want to travel a longer distance just to earn extra cash from a single trip.

Attention

2008-05-24T16:36:00.001+08:00

Notice: Blog will not be updated until the end of the GCE O'levels Examination.

Norman.

Pretty

2008-05-23T21:55:00.002+08:00

How to be pretty

There are many ways to be pretty. If you are fat, you slim down ( by exercising and not eating pills). If you are thin, you eat more. If you got a lot of pimples, apply cream. If you are just ugly, go for plastic surgery. It is very simple for people to be pretty nowadays.

This is a basic guide on how to be pretty. (Thanks to my expert knowledge)
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If you are fat, you must first be aware that many things are smaller and lighter than you. This will allow you to face the fact that you are fat. You will then want to do something about it. Excess fat is bad. Therefore, you have to get rid of them somehow. This can be done through vigorous training.

The thing is, some people do not know how to slim down by exercising. One simple way is through short distance sprinting. For example, you can run for 200meters and rest for 1minute, and do it again. Repeat for 5 times before having a 15minutes break. As you improve, increase the distance that you sprint per try. Another good way to loose fats is to do skipping. No matter what you do, be aware that you are trying to loose fats, not gain muscles.

Please ensure that the exercises you do works almost your entire body. Swimming, Running, Skipping are good options.

Another way of loosing fats is through liposuction, where your fats are sucked out by cutting them off, making you weak and disgusting, it is worse than being fat.
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How to get rid of pimples and make your face pimple free and pretty.

You should realize that your main aim here is to get rid of the disgusting pimples that are growing on your face. In order to do that, first you are required to have the following items:

fingers,
tissue,
'handiplus'.

1) First, you grab a thin piece of tissue on your hand.
2) Next, squeeze the pimple till it bursts.
3) Gently dab the burst pimple with a damp piece of tissue paper.
4) Ensure that it is dry before you stick on a handiplus.
5) Repeat the rest of the steps for the rest of your pimples.
6) Rest for a day. Ensure that you have sufficient water in your body and enough sleep.
7) Prepare to book an appointment for plastic surgery.

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There is an alternative way of becoming pretty. A much simpler one that doesn't require any pain or much cash. Credits to my friend for telling me.

Adobe Photoshop CS3

It is a computer programme designed to make all girls pretty. That is why you see an increase in number of pretty girls in Singapore.

How it works

First, take a picture of an ugly girl. Next you send it to the computer to edit using photoshop. Adobe photoshop would eradicate out her ugly cells and replace them with healthy and radiant cells for proper growth to take place. Healthy cells grow with the help of Michael Jackson.
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Norman.

MSN

2008-05-07T20:00:00.006+08:00

MSN MESSENGER

Many people use msn messenger. Msn Messenger is equivalent to sex, everyone wants it. Everyone knows what it is. It is like a basic, human instinct.

People use Msn Messenger for different reasons like flirting, online predator, pedophilia, cyber sex, etc. People who claim that they use Msn Messenger for socializing are all lying because that means they have no life.

Here's the interesting fact. People use Msn Messenger all around the world. Thus, the percentage of people who are using Msn Messenger is very high. As a result, people have a lot of contacts in their list. Some don't. Those who don't plays maplestory.

Thus, people can be categorised into 5 main groups:

People with less than 1 Msn Messenger contact
People with less than 3 and more than 1 Msn Messenger contacts
People with less than 50 and more than 10 Msn Messenger contacts
People with less than 100 and more than 50 Msn Messenger contacts
People with more than 100 Msn Messenger contacts

also known as

People who don't flirt
People who barely flirts
People who flirts occasionally
People who usually flirts
Sex predators

Which category are you in?

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Linking sex and MSN

" Sex is constantly upgrading itself throughout history, therefore everyone is still interested in it. Categories of sex include sex, sex, cybersex, phonesex and sex-a-phone. Sex is very interesting. " + MSN.

Michael Jackson and MSN

It is said that Michael Jackson uses an Msn Messenger account known as Pedophile_92@hotmail.com. He currently have over 500 email addresses in his account, most of those are owned by kids below 3, particularly female.

ART

2008-04-20T23:13:00.003+08:00

Art and Life ( I draw better than Picasso)

Life is all about Art. Art is life. Art is everywhere, thus life is everywhere and Life is all about everywhere. If you love life, you love art, and therefore you are an artist. An artist is therefore someone who appreciates life as a whole.

A journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step. But then, you have to continue walking for a few million more steps. So just give up on life.

I hate famous artist. I don't know how the hell they get famous by. They come up with such low standard art works, i don't know why people find them artistic. I have a 3 year old neighbour who lives beside me. He is able to imitate picasso. Picasso is trying to draw Michael Jackson.

The above just looks like a deformed man. I don't get him. The eyes are unproportionate, of wrong color. Hell, the whole painting is messed up. If I was his art teacher, he would never have graduated from school. Each and everyone of his art pieces would have been an F9. He would enter ITE.

Norman.

SBJ

2008-03-29T21:43:00.004+08:00

Standing Broad Jump beats everything in the Universe

Standing Broad Jump is the best sport in the World. As the name inclines, Standing Broad Jump is the action of jumping from a spot as far as you can, without moving your feet away when you have placed into position. Standing Broad Jump is sometimes known as 'SBJ' ( Not to be confused with stupid blow job ).

Recent studies have surfaced and shown that 90% of the World's population finds Standing Broad Jump as the best sport that they have ever tried. You stand, you jump. It's this simple.

Standing Broad Jump is actually very much connected to the World. There is evidence to prove that Standing Broad Jump is the best sport in the World. Here it is.

Standing Broad Jump.
The World.

Notice that letters 'O' and 'D' are the only letters that are similar if you ignore the letter 'R'. NONE other letters are the same.

So if you take out 'O' and 'D', it'll look something like this.

Standing Bra Jump.
The Wrl.

Notice the World 'Bra'. Bra is actually an article of clothing that covers, supports, and elevates the breasts.

Definition:
The bra is considered a foundation garment, as well as an undergarment, because of its role in shaping the wearer's figure. It was originally developed in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries to replace the corset, and has now become, in many parts of the world, the most popular form of undergarment for the upper body.

The 'Bra' contains 3 letters.
'O' + 'D' = 'OD' = 2 Letters.
Bra + OD = BraOD = 5 letters.
World = 5 letters

Therefore,
BraOD = 5 Letters = World

BraOD is derived from Standing Broad Jump. World is derived from Standing Broad Jump.

Together, we live, to jump.™

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Norman AU

Life is all about standing broad jump. Standing broad jump means no dandruff. Your name is Rain.

Subjects

2008-03-22T17:22:00.002+08:00

Subjects studied in school.

Today, I will be touching up on various subjects that you and I are familiar with that we are studying/ have studied in school. This includes Chemistry, Physics and Math. Here, I am going to describe them in detail about the characteristics of the subject.

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Chemistry

Chemistry is the world's worst subject. Chemistry is the synonym of shit, bullshit, lameshit, Holy shit, and Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson sucks.

When I see someone enjoying chemistry, I know immediately that we have absolutely nothing in common.

Michael Jackson sucks. In Chemistry, you learn that the world is actually made up of atoms. You'll probably be wondering what Michael Jackson is made up of.

Chemistry sucks. and so does Michael Jackson.
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Math

Math is okay. Math is the short form of Mathematics, Mathew, Mat(t) Hardy, Mathias and Michael Jackson. Basically, Math is a subject that deals with numbers. Math question examples are shown below.

Fill in the blanks:

_ _ _ - 541 = 125
661, 662, 663, 664, 665, _ _ _, 667.
333 x 2 = _ _ _

History:

The word Math actually came down from BCE 667-1 in ancient Rome. Since then, it had expanded and spread all over the world, and even now (CE2007+1), math is still spreading throughout the world. During this period between BCE 667-1 and CE2007+1, Math has became suck an influence that lives were lost.

Math extremists can be found throughout the world. Math Terrorist Groups like Al-Gebra is out at loose and currently holds the record of the square and cubic root of all evil.

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Physics

Physics is a little similar to Math, where physics is more about laws that you must obey, though no fines will be issued if you break them. As compared to Math, equations of Physics is tougher to understand and form.

Physics is like a combination of Math and Chemistry. Chemistry have shortened chemical names (Sodium=Na). Math have their equations( [125 x 5] + 31)

Q=PT, where Q= Energy, P = Power, T = Time.

Physics is the best subject in the world.
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Michale Jackson

Norman.

Shutyourkid

2007-12-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

Shut your kid up

You shouldn't read this article if you're a stubborn bitch, because i wouldn't want you to flood me with all the moral values that you know of which you probably don't have yourself. (Example: Honesty)

Children tend to be able to get away with all sort of nuisance they make, particularly murder, assault and pollution. I'm going to be brave this time, step forward and start criticizing them.

When going through a job interview, the employer usually looks out for people with great experience, high education and a suitable age. Kids have the surprisingly rare combination of having none of these.

Children are loud, noisy, troublesome and irritating. Further more, they don't contribute anything to the society. They can't work. They can't boost the economy. Children tend to come in all shapes and sizes yet still prove themselves to be useless.

Discipline need to be instilled from young, right back where people are still kids. Parents should always ensure that their child never speaks a word to the world. Other than this, parents should also ensure that their kids restrain from the following activities:

Screaming
Crying
Shouting
Assault
Leaving home
Just talking loudly

Because you don't want strangers to shut your kid up. Unless you want them to, make sure that you never ever let your kid scream in the bus and wake me up.

SOD

2007-11-26T17:43:00.000+08:00

Sign of Death

People die. It doesn't matter whether if they had died gracefully or horribly, they still die anyway. It's pretty easy to see if someone is dying or not. It won't take you much effort to find out. With this newly acquired knowledge to spot a dying person, you may just save your friends and family members in the nick of time (nick of time is commonly known to teachers as last minute work). May.

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Rigor Mortis
Men tend to die younger than women as they don't know they are dying, therefore they don't do anything to salvage the situation! There is this thing known as Rigor Mortis. In short, it is the stiffening of muscles in your body, making them 'locked' in a position. It also means that you are dying. Familiar? Experts claim that at least 40% of the males are ignorant of rigor mortis.

(The above condition is not erection)
*The above condition may not be suitable for females.*

Watch out especially if the male is over 60, and still claims that he don't need viagra, because he isn't suppose to erect anyway. Always remember that males are unable to erect when they reach 60 years of age.

Gyming

Please note that gyming can cause rigor mortis. in the arms, legs and alps, which are commonly mistook for muscle pulls and cramps. Never go gyming. Gyming shortens your lifespan. Many people have actually died from gyming.

How Dumbbell kills
This is how dumbbell works. When you are working out with a dumbbell, you exert a force that is so intense, you blow out your blood vessels and bones. All the tissues and cells that your muscle use to lift the dumbbell dies off immediately. The only way to stop you from dying now is amputation.

Norman.
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This is the last post of the year. Note: Blog will always rest for 1 month each year. Watch for the next post in http://normanau.blogspot.com on 1st January2008, where 3 new posts will be put up.

In the meantime, I will set up my archives.

flatearth

2007-11-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

Flat Earth

I bet you guys expect everyone to know that the earth is round. You are in for a shock.

First, i would like to thank my cousin for sharing his joy in the flat earth forum, which gradually leads me to this post. I've run out of ideas for blog post recently, therefore i didn't really update at all.

This is currently the most stupid theory EVER. The people in the forum believes that the Earth is flat. Seriously. They aren't joking. This means that if you move in a certain direction (in a straight line), you'll end up falling off the Earth. WHAT IF a student accidentally falls off the earth when he is having 2.4km run?

'Pon' refers to skip.

In order to cover up this flaw, the people in the forum thought of quite a surprising way of explaining why no one fell off the edge of the earth. There is a huge block of ice surrounding the earth, and the government from all over the world worked together, hired people to guard the ice.This prevents you from falling off the edge of the earth in your napfa test 2.4 km run.

Also, in order to explain gravity, gravity is explained as ' upward acceleration of the earth, approximately 10m/s^2. ' Which means the earth is constantly on the move upwards. If we consider this explanation, it means that the earth is currently moving faster than the speed of light already. This also means that rockets shouldn't be able to work and satellites are impossible, the entire NASA is nothing more than a conspiracy.

Theres a reason why the sun is not a flaming chariot wheel. There are reasons why the earth is not flat. Thinking that the earth is flat is thinking that the earth is bigger than the sun, which is seriously what the people in the forum thinks.

So to sum it up all, flat earth looks something like this.

Ditch this bullshit. I hope nobody thinks that the Earth is flat after visiting the forum at http://theflatearthsociety.org.

Fashion

2007-11-03T16:25:00.000+08:00

FASHION

Fashion sucks. Fashion is a communist movement. I'm pretty sure many of you don't know it, but in the years before the Tsar in Russia was actually overthrown by the people, 'fashion' wasn't a word. Fashion don't even exist then. Fashion is actually a communist idea. Living in a democratic country, many of us have been deceived.

Fashion's main purpose is to make everyone dress alike so as to represent equality in class. Even if you are rich, you'll look like someone who isn't rich. Blame Karl Marx for publishing his book and getting everyone influenced.

You go out in the streets, you see guys having hair like this. Furthermore, they have do not have a slope, fringe covering the eyes, side burn longer than half the ear length. Completely unacceptable. Take a closer look at the guy, and you'll know he's pro-communist.
(click on closer look) You see?

Almost every guy have unacceptable hairstyle nowadays.. People everywhere are getting used to the communist way of living.

The shop 'ThisFashion' originated from a communist. He is actually the grandson of Karl Marx. If you look carefully at the name ThisFashion, you would actually spot the communist sign. Again.(click on 'Again')

The fact that fashion is just a way to make people get use to the communist lifestyle means most of the fashions suck. One example is the bell's bottom. This is because the designer have not put in much effort. However, people last time love bells. So they love bell bottoms. Definitely not because bell bottoms are nice.

The problem with bell bottoms is that the bottom is fat, but when it gets nearer to your waist, it gets very narrow. So who the hell is it for? Fat people can't wear it. Thin people look fat wearing it. Even 'pai kias' want to call gang and settle outside school because they are not happy with bell bottoms.

My point here is that Fashion is stupid. If everyone looks similar, no one would look good. So be unique. Don't be a slave to trends. You want to look good, don't trust fashion. Just wear what you think will be nice,(Don't blame me if your taste sucks.) and be proud of it.

Norman.

mugging

2007-10-28T19:47:00.000+08:00

Mugging is a STUPID word for Studying

Recently, I have been hearing the word 'Mugging' being used more and more often. Mugging sucks. Actually i didn't really know what is the definition of mugging. All my friends have very similar idea of the word 'mugging' as studying very hard. An example is given below.

Click on the image to enlarge.

But i don't get it. How the hell can the word 'Mug', a drinking cup, usually cylindrical in shape, having a handle, and often of a heavy substance, as earthenware, have any association with the word 'study', application of the mind to the acquisition of knowledge, as by reading, investigation, or reflection?

When I first saw the word mugging in one of my friends email address, it didn't make sense at all to me because at that time, the term 'mugging' means a drinkable cup with 'ing' at the end to show that someone is actually 'doing a drinkable cup', which doesn't make sense.

I was right. Mugging is not studying. Stop using the word 'Mugging' when you are referring to studying people, you don't sound cool or impressive. You just sound stupid. Because when you say you are mugging, you are actually doing this.

You are actually assaulting someone. With the intention of robbing.

So please stop using the word mugging.

Norman Au.

dustbins

2007-10-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

Place your dustbins where its appropriate

First of all, I would like to thank Maxwell Martin for giving me this idea as a blog post. Thank you.

Have you ever experience such a situation where you desperately need a dustbin, but you can't find one? It is fucking frustrating isn't it. You just can't get rid of the junk you are holding until you find one.

The thing is, it is extremely understandable if you can't find a dustbin in a desert, seaside, or forest. But you shouldn't encounter such a situation at places like the community centre or shopping center. Some shopping centers looks like this:

It looks as if the authorized personnels know nothing about spreading things out evenly. This leads to the conclusion that they do not spread butter over their bread. So you can't find a dustbin for a long period of time, then when you finally found a dustbin, you found dustbins. You don't just find one, you find like, twenty crammed at one particular area.

In that area, you'll find at least 1 dustbin per pillar. You just have to look at that direction and you will definitely be able to spot like twenty dustbins right away.

Look at the following images to find out why it is better to spread the dustbins out evenly. The red arrow indicates the strength of the force acting on an area. The thicker the red line, the stronger the force. Fact: Placing a lot of dustbins together in an area is actually a terr0rist act as many people will be terrified of the result.

This will eventually happen if you do not place your dustbins in the appropriate places. Try spreading them out evenly, and you'll get what you see in the following image.

You see? Your dustbin won't drop. People will not be afraid of going into your shopping center. People will live happily ever after.
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Norman.

Situation

2007-10-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

Situation

Have you been in a situation such as..getting reprimanded by the teacher because you have not done your homework, yet with a valid reason... perhaps medically certified. However the teacher, having no intention of listening to your reasons in the first place, will not change their stand and thus claim that your reasons are actually just excuses.

.thus claims that your "Reasons are actually just excuses".

What the hell. So whats the matter? Reasons are just excuses anyway. We students know that. We don't need your reminder.

But i guess you know what the teachers is trying to say. "Reasons are actually just excuses". What they actually mean is " I know you are lying, asshole. I'm not as gullible as you think I am. Quit lying and admit what you have done wrong and I'll probably forgive you. "

This tells us that they have probably misunderstood the entire definition of 'excuse', in other words, they don't know what an 'excuse' is. Which probably ALSO means they do not use the following phrases:

May I be excused,
Excuse me,
Excuse my father,
Excuse my mother,
Excuse my sister,
Excuse my brother.

Heres the definition.

And heres the definition of reason.

As you can see from the two images above, both 'reason' and 'excuse' are explanations. The difference is that an excuse requires someone to have the hope of being forgiven or understood ( of which the teacher will not know if someone is hoping to be forgiven or understood). Furthermore, even if it isn't a reason, it doesn't really matter.
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Norman.

Life

2007-10-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

LIFE

This particular post is about what Life is in my opinion.

This question have been on my mind since I was like, 10 or younger."What is the purpose of life?". I wanted to know what is the purpose of life just like everyone else back then. And after 5 years of my life, I finally come up with a conclusion. I think I know the purpose of life.

First of all, we must approach this question without any biasness. Therefore, the purpose of life is as such:

"The purpose of life is such that all lifeforms are to try to stay alive and if possible, reproduce to ensure the continuity of each specific species."

Norman AU

That is it. We are not born to create miracles, discover things. You can only argue that we are born to stay alive, reproduce, and in the mean time, discover things we have yet to discover. There is no other purpose in life. You are probably too naive if you think that you are born for any other reason. Because whatever great things you have at the back of your mind about the purpose of life, they will apply to animals such as chickens, ducks, pigs and cats as well.

Other than reproduction, there isn't really any other objectives in our lifes. The objectives are all made up by us actually. If we do not actually have the intelligence to think of so many things, maybe all of us would not even ask this question.

Other than reproduction, Life is aimless, irrational and without a purpose. Life isn't about making friends, socializing, having fun, suffering or anything. In reality, life only allows us to do what we want, like making friends, socializing and having fun. You suffer because you are unlucky, and not because of fate.

Fate makes everything in life look stupid. We always blame fate for everything that is happening. For example if someone dies, you say its their fate to die so young. If we blamed everything on fate, we would probably be at the stone age right now. Take a look at these examples of ways to blame fate.

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Situation 1)

Situation 2)

Situation 3)

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So do not blame fate.

Well since life is just like that, why don't i commit suicide? This is because life is so fun. You can play soccer, you can hit your friend, you can do whatever you want, just be prepared to face the consequences.

Life is actually a very, 'technical' thing. Face it realistically.
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Norman.

fplants

2007-10-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

Funny Plants.

You should probably realize by now that I usually find trouble with things that doesn't really matter or bother me. Things like sesame street, halloween. They don't really affect me at all, but it doesn't matter.

I've not really been updating recently due to the End of Year Examinations. Been spending most of my time studying. But thats out of point. Here are two plants that you probably have never heard of.

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Urospermum Dalechampii

The fact that this plant is named Urospermum Dalechumpii probably means that this plant contain sperms. Knowledge tells us that in order to keep sperms alife, they have to be kept in a place of suitable temperature, also known as testicles. So where the hell does the plant keep the sperms?

Urospermum Dalechumpii are also known as the horny plants.

The Eriophorum Vaginatum

My first reaction when i see the plant's name was "How does the plant looks like?" And i was actually picturing it in my mind. Then i went to check the picture. It didn't look like anything i had in mind. What i was expecting is this.

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Fun with the plants

I bet all of you are curious as to how the plants above give life to new plants(commonly known as fertilization of plants). Imagine the Urospermum Dalechampii and the Eriophorum Vaginatum are actually dependant on each other for fertilization. This theory means that both plants does not undergo normal fertilization, like most other plants do. In this case, the plants will have to find other alternative methods to produce new plant lifes.

Imagine these two plants, about to undergo their unique 'fertilization' process.

The Urospermum Dalechumpii closes in to Eriophorum Vaginatum.

The flower then infiltrates the interior of the Eriophorum Vaginatum for fertilization to take place.

The womb of the Eriophorum Vaginatum gradually grows bigger until it is ready to deliver the seed.

Seed is released.

This process is sex.

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Norman.

Streetfighter1

2007-10-04T17:27:00.000+08:00

Street Fighter 1

A video created weeks ago. Street fighter part 1. Watch it.

Norman.

schainmail

2007-10-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

CHAINMAIL2
After this post is published, please make sure that you guys don't send me stupid chain mails based on the view point of a single person. Or any stupid chain mail at all. I'm getting more and more frustrated by seeing these mails. Here is a what mails that i hate. Please DO NOT send them to me. Thank you!!

==========================================================
TYPICAL EMAILS YOU SHOULD NOT SEND TO ME.

*Emails which contains the following phrase "If you do not send this to...bad luck for..."

*Emails which contains a hell lot of other email addresses, of which i have taken the time off to erase them off in this picture.

*Click on the image to enlarge*

The thing is, I have no idea why can't people not leave the email addresses of others in the email. If you don't know how to mass-send emails to others at one time without disclosing their email addresses, then don't. If you really want to, you can always do it one at a time. Disclosing someone else's email address without permission is against the law.
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The following are emails that i have received and reprimand the person for doing so... so please do not do it, thanks!

The thing is, if your chain mail is interesting, it's okay I'll appreciate what you send and also thank you. Interesting emails include jokes, stories, pictures from different part of the world, informative articles, etc. Just like the one above

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* "How guys express their love!!!"
Please do not do not do not send me these emails too. Reason being that these emails are created by people with their own opinions, which does not necessarily coincides with MINE or YOURS. Even if it does coincide with yours, don't do it. It's just like risking your life, just worse. 50% chance. If you don't send, you won't have to risk it. For example..

" When a GUY is quiet and is alone,He's is thinking how good you're, Miss you!!! "

Not necessarily. You haven't thought that the guy is asleep did you? And look, if you trust this email, you are assuming that when a guy stops talking and is alone (which happens everyday, for a few seconds here and there), he is thinking of everyone that has read this email. WHO THE HELL DO THAT???

" When a GUY is lying on his bed,He is thinking deeply why he loves you. "

This is very wrong. When a guy is lying on his bed, it means he is asleep and trying no to think of anything. If he loves you, he don't need to think deeply why he loves you, because he already knows. Therefore if he's lying on his bed and thinking deeply why he loves you, it is most probably because someone forced him (presumably you).

" When a GUY looks at you in your eyes, He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you're. "

Always remember that if this statement is prove to be right, it means that guys should be blind. If I'm a guy, i don't want to tell others how much i love them every time i look into their eyes, because if i do it means that I'll have to do it every day to everyone whom i have talked to. It will be like:

Waihon: Hi norman
Norman: Hi, do you know how to do amath? I love you and you are very important.
Waihon: Oh, easy lah.
Norman: Can teach me? I love you and you are very important.
Waihon: Ok.
Norman: Thanks. I love you and you are very important.
Afiq: Hi norman.
Norman: Hi. I love you and you are very important.
Chingjun: HEY PEOPLE!
Norman: HEY CHINGJUN! I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT.

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MOST IMPORTANTLY, NEVER EVER SEND ME EMAILS LIKE THESE.

Please send legible emails. DO NOT send me these email please. Look before you send. Don't send me crap which i can't and won't bother to try to read. A good way is to not use ">". The best way is to not send me those mails at all. Thank you!!!

=====================================================
Will not be posting frequently due to my End of Year Examinations. Hope all of you score well in exams! Study hard! Don't play too often for this term. I don't want my friends to retain or anyone to.

Assholes

2007-09-24T19:22:00.000+08:00

Assholes on public transports

You know those inconsiderate assholes you get to see once in a while on a bus-ride last time? It has grown. Now, you can spot at least 1 per public transport ride you take.

I've taken the effort to type out each type of asshole that i deem an asshole which you can find on the regular public transport. Each group are distinctively different from another, and most distinct from non-assholes, so you'll instantly recognize them when you board the transport.

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1) Situation: The Urgent Dick head

Usually spotted when you are entering the bus, some random asshole will appear out from nowhere, and push everyone else away from the bus in the process to get up the bus as quickly as possible. It is as if they are competing who can get up the bus first. This is called the urgent dick head. The irony being that most of them aren't actually urgent, but still do it anyway.

They also frequently appear in the MRT station. It is especially irritating when you are unable to get out of the train because they barge in before you are able to get out. Yet despite all the aunties and uncles complaining about school kids causing inconvenience in public transports, they themselves are usually the dickheads.

Solution: Urgent Dick Head

There isn't any known solution for dick heads boarding the bus to me yet.

However, for those boarding the MRT, create a commotion so as to embarrass them. When they barge in, you can shout " Alamak, where is your courtesy??". For a better result, you can also add some stupid terms to make them move away such as "HOT! HOT! BOILING WATER!!" or "SHIT! MY PENKNIFE!". A better way is to really hold a jug of boiling water and really bring a penknife to drop it. If it still doesn't work, do not just barge through unless you are certain that you will not injure anyone.

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2) The brittle man

A serious asshole usually found in MRTs. These people are not as common as the urgent dick heads, but more irritating, so as to compensate for their rare appearances.

Everyone hates the brittle man. I'm not talking about those that lies on empty poles ( That doesn't mean those aren't assholes. They still are, only that on a more minor scale). I'm talking about poles that people are holding onto. The brittle man will just lie on your hand regardless of anything.

Solution

Protrude your index and middle finger outwards

Simple. But risks yourself getting beaten up, though the chances are still low considering you are on a PUBLIC TRANSPORT. Alternatively, you can wriggle your hand and move it up and down along the pole.

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3) The Fatass

This particular asshole need not really be a fatass. There are two types of this asshole. One doesn't know how to move in to empty spaces to enable people to board the bus, the other doesn't know how to lift his butt off the seat to let others out.

Solution:
No solution yet.
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Don't you just hate assholes? Yes you do.

Norman.

opera

2007-09-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

Worst drama in the world

I suspect the Opera is an organization that is formed as a measure only to decrease a place's unemployment rate. I seriously cannot believe why people think that you need talent for Opera. It's not true. You need courage to perform something so stupid.

Everything about Opera sucks. They don't even make sense. The reason why they exist is for people to laugh at them. (Don't try to say no, I know most of you do) It is something like a comedy.

People in Opera are unable to move around without a drum beat and brass equipments.

First of all, everyone of you must understand that Opera is about exaggeration. They do 'the extra mile' for everything, except the narration.

Secondly, the way they move around. They do not know how to walk properly. Quite often, you will only see their lower part of their body move, with their upper part of the body keeping still with arms in such a manner that people don't quite understand. Who the hell walks in this manner.

The worst thing is their narration in English. It totally sucks. It sounds as thought the narrator is picking out random English words like " he, power, strong, win, righteous, martial arts, great, evil, die." These words are a must for Opera Narration. It goes something like this:

Narrator: He strong.
*Performer dances for 15minutes*
Narrator:Great martial arts, righteous.
*Performer wields weapon for 20 minutes*
Narrator: Evil die.
*Performer dance with another performer for another 10 minutes*
Narrator: Win righteous evil he martial arts strong great die power.
*The performer acting as the evil guy suddenly collapses with the sound of drum beats and brass equipments being played. The process of collapsing takes another 15 minutes.*
Show ends.
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Yet, there are still positive things that you can gain after joining the Opera. You will be able to spin well. Trust me. Throughout the entire Opera performance in my school today, i swear i see them spin at least 50 times. They spin just about everything they can think of:

Their heads
Their entire body
Their weapons( suppose to be fighting but they just spin the weapons and the opponent falls. So no point on fighting)
Their hands

.
No drama is worse.
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Norman

martialart

2007-09-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

Martial Arts

Martial Arts is a compilation of different various actions such as rolling, kicking a ball, bouncing a ball, squatting down, performing sexual intercourse; and then animated to be used as a form of self defense; then to be lost again generations after generations as each master keeps a good technique to themselves even when they die for fear of being attacked by the disciple.

The more common martial arts we know of includes Tae Kwon Do, while the not so commonly heard of includes Ninja Do.

In the past, people often use martial arts for these various reasons.

To force sex
To protect the Emperor and oneself
To fight to distinguish the better one
To assassinate and ascend the throne later on

Now, people often use martial arts for these reasons.

To lure girls and trick them into sex
To protect your stead
To take part in competitions that stops almost as soon as it started to distinguish the better one
To assassinate and get hanged later on

Here are different types of unique Martial Arts:
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Karate

Karate is a type of martial arts that involves you to slam your palm hard onto something hard so that the object will break but more often the object breaks your hand. Karate is said to be the key source of idea for the invention of a hand axe.

Ninjitsu

A form of martial art that trains you to throw knifes and shurikens at people, and stay camouflaged. It also teaches you how to shut up while you move along an area so that you will not be heard, but seen anyway. The only way to keep you hidden is to perform it during the night, where light is at its minimal, yet you'll wake everyone up due to the noise you make and get spotted anyway.

Tai Chi

Tai Chi is a unique form of martial art that promises you to have ultimate power by making you move extremely slow for many years, yet by the time you actually manage to gain the power, you are already near to the end of your life. Tai Chi is actually equivalent to standing still, only faster.
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Norman.

Food

2007-09-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

Food Variety Programme

Never trust Food variety programmes unless you have tried the food yourself because all food variety programmes give stupid shitty comments about food products that nobody in the world actually care.

Usually, food that is rated full marks by these programmes just taste okay. They aren't really anything special or what. Its what the media do. They overrated the food. They use words like 'excellent, marvelous, gorgeous, delicious, fantastic, unexpected' for almost all their recommendations. This is what they do: They hire a well known celebrity to try the food even though they should have used a well known chef.

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Celebrity: Look at the beautiful lit shop! I bet the food is good!
Celebrity: Gosh look at the crowd!
*Join the queue. Serve celebrity.*
Celebrity: Uncle, which of your food is nice?

(Note: This is an extremely stupid question because if the uncle owns the shop, The uncle won't ever admit that they sell food that isn't nice, because that will reduce the number of people who visits his shop. The answer will inevitably be "All of my food tastes great!" or something like that, so..)

Uncle: All of my food tastes great!
Celebrity: I see. I'll have a go on the mutton BIRyani!

*Next scene, Celebrity seated with mutton briyani, most probably overloaded with mutton so that you will think that you'll get the same amount of mutton when you buy it. Not true.*

Celebrity: Mmhh!! Look at the color of the food! Just by looking at it, I love it already!
Celebrity: The mutton looks so glossy in the curry!
Celebrity: Let me have a try on the food.

*Eats the food. Give out a gasp, but SOMEHOW the celebrity manage NOT to choke on the gasp even though his/her mouth is stuffed full with the biryani. Fake gasp, for effect only.*

..
Celebrity: Oh my god, it tastes good!
Celebrity: The taste of the curry with the mutton, makes the mutton taste just great!
Celebrity: You can feel your teeth sinking slowly first into the hot and spicy curry sauce, then the mutton!
Celebrity: The rice is great too! Nicely cooked, Not too soft or hard. You can really feel each grain of delicious rice in your mouth as you bite them!
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Do you think theres nothing wrong with the text? If so its okay. But theres almost all of those text are useless. Look again. The useless text are highlighted in green, while comments made by me is in orange.

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Celebrity: Look at the beautiful lit shop! I bet the food is good!
Celebrity: Gosh look at the crowd!
Celebrity: Uncle, which of your food is nice?
Uncle: All of my food tastes great!
Celebrity: I see. I'll have a go on the mutton biryani!
Celebrity: Mmhh!! Look at the color of the food! Just by looking at it, I love it already!
Celebrity: The mutton looks so glossy in the curry!
Celebrity: Let me have a try on the food.
..
Celebrity: Oh my god, it tastes good!
Celebrity: The taste of the curry with the mutton, makes the mutton taste just great!
(Please note that the celebrity is actually just describing ANY regular mutton curry.)
Celebrity: You can feel your teeth sinking slowly first into the hot and spicy curry sauce, then the mutton!
(Note: Everyone with a sense of touch can do that.)
Celebrity: The rice is great too! Nicely cooked, Not too soft or hard. You can really feel each grain of delicious rice in your mouth as you bite them!
(Note: The celebrity is just describing COOKED [not burnt or undercooked] rice.)

7 words out of 140 words are useful (2percent)

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Never trust a food variety programme show.

Norman.

UInventions

2007-08-30T20:10:00.000+08:00

Inventions
Technology has constantly been improving. Inventions are constantly being made everyday. Inventions that most of us heard of benefits us in lots of ways. These are inventions like lightbulb, computers, cellphones. Who the hell don't have them. Of course, at the same time, stupid inventions are also being made.

Top 3 useless inventions.

The solar-powered torchlight

This invention may sound high-tech, but in fact, it's actually useless.

Tom: Oh shit, i lot my pen underneath this cupboard!
Mum: Shine the torchlight dear.
Tom: I can't.
Mum: Why not?
Tom: It's at night.
Mum: And?
Tom: The torch won't work as there aren't enough energy!
Mum: Wait for tomorrow morning then.
Tom: I don't need a torch in the daytime.
Mum: ...You don't be rude to your mum now Tom.

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Battery-charger
Alright, battery-chargers aren't exactly useless. Since you pay electricity bills to charge up your batteries which is required for your equipments. At least some equipments are only battery-operated, which makes the battery-charger useful. Or maybe, just maybe, you can BUY more batteries.

The worse thing is, you actually use a battery-operated battery charger.

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Segway

First of all its way too costly. The main purpose of the segway is to transport human. Yep. Like many other inventions, the segway boast about these little chips and micro processors that nobody really cares. The amazing thing about the segway is that it can balance itself on two wheels( which made it super costly).

One reason not to buy the segway is that you can just add an extra wheel for it to balance, and save thousands of dollars for other items. The other reason is that you don't actually need a segway, since it travels only around 20km per hour. Who the hell needs that kind of transport? If you are travelling long distances, buy a car. If you are travelling short distances, i propose a good idea. You Walk.
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Norman

Halloween

2007-08-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

Halloween
(fiction)
Halloween is one day of the year where kids get to dress like a stupid shit, walk around asking for sweets (Note: This is no different from a beggar) . This is why Singapore don't celebrate Halloween you see. Beggars are illegal in Singapore.

First there is this "Trick or Treat!". What the hell is that? Is it a trick or is it a treat? Make up your mind. Wake up your bloody idea, or you can knock it down.

"Trick or Treat!" is what beggers say during Halloween. Its just like a different phrase, but complete with similar meaning. Its like " Beggar, Lazzaroni, Pauper, Fucker ". All of them have the same meaning. Trick or Treat also means "Please give me food, Please give me water, Got 10cents?" It just depend on the seasons (summer autumn winter spring).

Halloween is probably the worst day in the world. It is the day when everyone becomes a ghost.

Norman
(Short post, next post probably thursday).

banana

2007-08-19T17:07:00.000+08:00

It doesn't really make sense.

People. Have you ever questioned yourself how you fall down? I did. I usually fall during a soccer match because i tend to stop suddenly, resulting in loss of balance and eventually falling down. This happens very often to me, so i kind of got use to it. Another way which i usually fall is because the floor is wet, most probably due to rain. But most often, i fall down because

..

I fucking stepped on a banana peel.

I don't understand. Why do adults teach young children that banana peel is slippery? I mean, whats the point? I don't see people going around telling everyone crap like these.

This is because it doesn't really matter. People don't really care about the texture of fruit peels, people care about the fruit. Whether it sucks or not. Now look carefully at the picture again.

Notice the banana peel in front of the boy? What do you think will happen? Will he step on it? If so, then what?

Now take a closer look. Now you know the boy is definitely going to step on it without a doubt. The question now is what will happen if he step on it.

...
...
...
...
...

...

...

...

...

...

...

So the boy fell. Which he shouldn't anyway because you just can't. i took a simple experiment using a stick and a small pyramid to prove that.

First, i use a small pyramid to replace the banana peel, since the shape of the banana peel and the pyramid is similar to a large extent. Then i replace the boy's leg with a FALLEN tree branch (which means i didn't break any branches off trees).

What i do is simple. I hold the tree branch firmly in place as shown in the picture above. Then i slowly pushed the stick down vertically, perpendicular to the ground, touching the pyramid at an angle of around 0-90 degree. Surprisingly the stick did not slip out of my hand. This proves that you can't fall on banana peels.

So what had happened? The pyramid had moved to the right. It didn't really stand a chance against the stick really.

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Now lets ASSUME that people can actually fall when he/she steps on banana peel alright. Who the hell will be so unlucky anyway? Who the hell throws banana peel ON THE FLOOR everywhere they go? I mean, do you see banana peels everyday? Its not as if banana peels are invisible either. Its bright yellow, and the ground you are stepping on will probably be grey, which creates a very significant contrast.

HOW THE HELL CAN YOU STILL STEP ON A BANANA PEEL???

Norman.

UFO

2007-08-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

UFOs
UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) are occasionally spotted by people. UFOs are actually fucked up. All they've been spotted doing is to float around doing nothing. After you spot it, it will suddenly disappear as somehow, it sense that someone has spotted it, and must vanish so that no one can identify it.

Have you ever heard about people who dedicate their whole life into UFOs. They sit in front of their computers the whole day looking at pictures like this, pondering.

Could it be...a UFO on a retort stand?

FACTS about UFOs:
* definitely contain aliens even though all the people saw was a floating disc disappearing as soon as it has been spotted.
* comes from outer space for SURE.
* mainly spotted by people in Europe.

So now let us summarize this once and for all. Aliens build spaceships. These spaceships flies onto Earth for an unknown reason, floating around doing nothing and disappears upon sight of humans. Either one of this following statement is right: E-uropeans observe their sky more than others; UFOs come to Earth to observe Europe-ans; Eur-opeans thinks that anything disc-like is a UFO.

(short post, next post tmr)

Norman

merger

2007-08-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

Merger

In conjunction with the recent Singapore's National Day Parade: City Of Maybe, I, Norman, hereby announce that, in accordance to the lack of crap, where many of you had stated:-

"Seriously, actions have to be taken, when the webmaster is not doing his (blow)job, its not funny. Shut up."

...will be forming a reciprocated (omg! what is that?) relationship with the President(and his honour) of Fiqo.blogspot.com to bring you, the maximum pleasure(try dragging the "sure" part of pleasure, you will get pleasure!) from the crap both of us have written. After a series of beta testing around the Singapore: City of Maybe, many of them had stated:-

"Wow, exciting new content! Its like two heavens joining together, to form one heaven! Shut up."

Yesterday, the Marching Contingent of the 31st Fiqo Infantry Regiment did a march-in at the floating platform at Marina. It was a great day. This is what others said:-

"It was a great day."
"My sergeant was happy."
"Ashraf."
"The sir gave wrong command, but no one know. Haha, I laugh. Quite funny. Shut up."

So, let us celebrate by visiting Fiqo.blogspot.com !

Eat

2007-08-05T17:28:00.000+08:00

Just Eat

People, I know all of you are health conscious to a certain extent(me too), which is okay as long as you do not go overboard. If you are too health conscious, you will end up drinking only plain water because everything else harms your body in some way.

You can't eat any of this if you are too health conscious

Warning: Never eat with someone who is too health conscious. If your friend is too health conscious, you will realize that he doesn't eat anything at all, because everything is harmful. Your conversation with your friend would probably be this.

You: Okay, whats your favourite food.
Friend: Use to be cabbage.
You: Then whats your favourite food now?
Friend: None.
You: Why?
Friend: Now, chemicals are use to aid growth of cabbage which is harmful to our body
You: What about chicken?
Friend: Antibiotics ae injected in them to make them grow faster.
You: Fish?
Friend: Chemical wastes in the sea.
You: ANY TYPE OF MEAT??
Friend: You will be dead if you eat them, my friend.
You: Any vegetable???
Friend: You will die in 5 years if you eat 300 servings of carrots in a week.
You: Liquid?
Friend: You will die tomorrow.

If you actually think of it, most of the food now are processed. If you really want to eat unprocessed food, you can limit yourself not to eat anything that is processed. This way, you will not eat anything and die of hunger.

Instead of complaining and freaking out, you should realize that our country makes sure that our food is safe for consuming. There isn't really much for you people to worry about. Besides, most of the chemicals in the food requires you to eat a hell lot of them in a short period of time before any significant negative effect is observed.

Fact: All anorex;ic patients are a'norexic because they are too health conscious or they are jackasses. In fact, one million people have become anor'exic because they do not eat chickens due to the chemical compound found in them.

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Health conscious test

Take this test to find out whether you are too health conscious! If you get most of the answers correct, you are anorexic.

Take a look at this innocuous-looking chicken.

What will increase if you eat these chicken?
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Answer:
This chicken actually increases your chance of getting cancer, fever, myopia, dengue fever, heart failure, kidney failure, infertility, chicken pox, lung cancer, brain cancer, stomach flu, cold, rashes, immediate death. It is also believed to cause small pox, gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV.

Norman.

Sstreet

2007-07-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

Sesame Street is not for Kids

The truth is, Sesame street is a very bad influence. Fact: Sesame street has already cause public outrage in some countries.

Today, Sesame Street is banned in continents such as Asia, Africa, Australia, Europe, North America, South America.

Why is it banned?
The show contains too much bad influence. In a recent poll, sesame street was found to have 0% positive value, while 100% of negatives. Moreover, all of the characters there are criminals.

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Cookie monster

Cookie monster is a mad monster who is extremely addicted to cookies. Cookie monster made every kid in the world cry because he ate all the cookies in the world. Cookie monster is a cookie addict.

You are a cookie monster if you:
Realize you can't stop eating cookies
C is for cookies
You sniff cookie extract
You carry cookies with you
Actually eat a cookie
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Elmo

Elmo, originally Adolf de elmore, is Hi+|er's illegitimate father. Born in 1843, Adolf de elmore is also a 'heroin' addict, and always stay high on drugs, as can be seen in the show "Sesame street" as a happy character. It is actually the effect of drugs. Later, Adolf de elmore married Juliet ( fiance of Romeo) and soon gave birth to Hi+|er.

Later on in his life, he lost his job as a journalist and went on to the media. He loved kids. As a last resort for a entertaining kids, he changed his name to Elmo, which is less tideous and more cheery than Adolf de elmore.

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Bert and Ernie

Bert and Ernie is the first ever homosexual male couple screened that teaches children how to have sex with the same gender (for boys only) as young as 3years old. They view sex with the same gender in such positive light, that public outrage was therefore inevitable.

Quotes from Sesame street Bert and Ernie:
You, and he can live together.
You can sleep with your brother.
HIV is a bacteria that will make everyone around you more concerned and care more about you.
P is for penis
Girls are humji, you ask for fun in bed, they won't give you.
All boys will be boys
Your mom don't allow you to touch a girl. Boys are okay though.

The part of Bert and Ernie always starts off with Bert and Ernie getting up the bed while moaning, with everything else messy (sign of sex). This start motivates viewers with innocent minds to be curious and try it out with their siblings of the same gender.

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Count von count

Count von count scares the shit out of kids of math by showing them extremely difficult math concepts and discourages them from loving math at a young age. Recent results have shown that 89% of the kids who fail math knows of count von count, also known as the count.

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Big Bird

"Big Bird is a penis in disguise" Robert Langdon

The sole purpose of Bigbird is to depict a picture of a penis without getting lawsuit. Thus explains why Big bird doesn't look like any bird you will ever see.

The character big bird in sesame street (the most famous character) is actually a penis in disguise, as shown in the picture. It shows the shape of a penis to kids without getting lawsuit as they did not really show a real penis. Early influence to pornography.

Bigbird's catchphrase is "Asking is a good way of finding things out!", which has the exact meaning of "Ask me for more sexual content pictures, and look at them all!"
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Oscar the Grouch

Oscar the Grouch is a monster who actually lives in a rubbish bin who blocks you from throwing rubbish inside them. Try as you might, you will not succeed. This therefore causes land pollution.

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Grover

Be free, not constricted at home.

The character Grover, is made to encourage children to fly with just a cape and a knight's helmet, thus increasing the rate of child's death per second, from 182 per second in 1943( before sesame street's release) to 341 per second in 1944 (Sesame street's official release) and finally to 968 per second in 1950.

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Zoe

Zoe is the only female in Sesame street. It influences girls to wear miniskirts and tank tubes at an age of just 3. This character also encourages females to have underage sex with males.

Let the male's age be x. Zoe influences girls to have sex with the range of x<16 or x>70 only. It also encourages females to ask for money when having sex with guys. The followers of Zoe are often known as prostitutes.
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Sesame Street is evil.

Norman.

pet

2007-07-24T20:33:00.000+08:00

My heart, your pet
Pets are animals. Caged animals, which people occasionally takes them out and abuse them. They make their pets wear clothes, rings, poke ear holes, make them listen to mp3, and smoke. All of them aren't aware that animals could die because of that.

People, never ever keep a pet. Keeping a pet is equivalent to:

Being an A| Qae;da.

Having sex with the same gender

Playing pokemon

Playing tamagotchi

Stead in school

Never do homework

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Okay, this is for those who have pets ( you cruel people). Please do not attempt to let your pet wear clothes or any accessory. It simply looks weird. I've seen a hell lot of different types of animal clothings (absolutely useless, but are there anyway). Different people give different types of clothings and accessories.

Stereotypes

Sherlock Holmes style

The cowboy style. Usually comes with very long clothings, maroon shoes with gloves, hat and a pair of shades. It is usually mysterious, and

Chio-bu style

The chio-bu style. Usually with mini skirt, occasionally none at the bottom. Boots. sweater or any other sexy tops. Colors of clothings ranges around purple, pink, yellow, orange, white, black and red.

Emo style

Applied eye shadow. Wearing nothing at all. Carrying a knife with lots of cuts.

Punk style

Punky hairstyles. Occasionally with ear piercings. Belt, jeans and shirt is a must. Sometimes comes with a cigarette.
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There's something else that i want to clarify here: animals can't mimic a celebrity in singing or dancing. Even if it is trying to, it fails. It can't look like a human. I mean, what kind of dance can animals give? Move left and right, jump around and thats about all. Humans can do far more than that.

Animals can't sing like humans. Face it. You never see a dog in front of the stage singing taufik batisa's song do you? Yet I don't understand why there are so many reports from people claiming that their pet can sing/dance like xxx. Bullshit.

Fire

2007-07-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

FIRE ALERT.

If your house don't have fire alert

What is fire alert? Fire alert is an alarm system where you will be alerted if there is a fire near the place you are at. A fire alert system is installed everywhere:

* Schools
* Camp sites
* Fire station
* Toilets
* Your house

The fire alert system will let out a sharp and continuous ringing after it is set off. Many parents use them as alarm clocks to wake their child up for school every morning because it is very effective.

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Experts say you should at least hit the fire alert system once a year. Are you up to standard? How do you activate a fire alert to others if you spot a fire? Many people panic when they see this.

Don't be. Use it when necessary. If your friends are sleeping, hit it. If you don't get what you teacher is talking about in class, hit it. Heck, hit it for fun. All attention will then be on you.

You can scare your friends too! If you are stronger then your friend, grab his hand and push it near the fire alarm button (make sure you don't accidentally break it!). That would probably scare him out totally. Now keep doing this until your friend shout. Once he/she did, shove your friend's hand into the button.

Norman.

Next post tomorrow.

F4

2007-07-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

Fantastic Four is gay, never watch it.
Watching Fantastic Four is like planting a bom;b in the MRT in Si;ngapore, walking under a ladder, breaking 40582 mirrors at one go, taking drugs, and turning to be Al Q;aeda. Once you watched it, your life is ruined. Gone. No more freedom. No more life.

Do you have the strength...to surf on silver?

Basically, everyone shouldn't watch Fantastic Four because its a trick. Its just an attempt by someone to let you look at four monsters fighting more monsters. But that someone decided to add 'Fantastic' to four for no reason at all.

They are humans? Wrong. They are monsters. All of them. The first one ( Mr Fantastic) is equivalent to a rubber band ( he can stretch real long). That means he got the properties of a rubber band, if you actually cut him when he's stetched, he'll snap. He is made from the milky latex of various trees, most of him the Hevea rubber tree.

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The second one is a thing.(The thing) Just look at it's name. Who the hell will call him/herself a thing??? Where is it's parents???? Do you know what happened to it's parents? Let me explain, starting with sex.

So this particular sperm goes into the thing's mother's vagina and fertilized the egg. And gradually after nine months, the mother died because the rock rubbed against the mother's womb too much and burst it. The father died because he tripped on the blood on the floor. That is the end of his family.
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The invisible women, needless to say, can become invisible. What is she made of?? What compound? How does she do it??? And the last one ( Human torch). Nice. Use him for the Olympics. He'll come in handy when it comes to lighting the Olympic Torch.
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Fantastic Four is not suitable for all ages you see.
You can't show it to kids between (0- 12) because it will definitely scare the fuck out of them. You can't show it to teenagers between (13-20) because they are all busy growing up. You can't just disturb their puberty can you.
You cant show it to ages between (21-35) because they are busy making a family.
You cant show it to ages between (36-50) because they are busy looking after a family.
You cant show it to ages between (51-~) because they find it childish.

You cant show it to anyone in the world. Who the fuck created Fantastic Four??
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Norman.

Anime

2007-07-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

Anime

Animes are the drawings of a 5year old child who have recently broke both his hands and started using his legs to draw humanoid figures. It is then sent to an artist to improve on it but still failed. Anime characters are basically deformed humans. But somehow they still look cool and nice to certain people (depending on taste). Do you know what is an anime?

Anime = [ Human + Huge eyes + small nose + mouth without red/pink lips color + unrealistic hair (usually colored) ] x extremely good photoshop.

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Some pictures however, really looks like anime, but they are not. Below are some examples of pictures which seem to be animes, but are actually not animes. Don't be surprised.

This is not an anime despite the big eyes unrealistic hair, mouth without red/pink lips, and the insignificant nose. Be patient with yourself. You need a higher level of skill to differenciate this from anime.

This is also not an anime.
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Can't get the hang of it? Don't fret it. Heres a small test to brush up your anime-differentiation skill.

Spot the anime!

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Anime and You.

This is what you can do after you master your anime-differentiation skills extremely well. Turn your friend into an anime.

From this...

...
...

...
...

...
...

...
...

to this

...

(Click on image to enlarge)

Norman.

graph

2007-07-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

Fun with graphs
I went for my dental appointment today, and as I was on the LRT back home from the appointment when 4 primary school boys walk into the train with yu gi oh decks in each of their hands. Nothing wrong with that(except the yu gi oh cards).

The thing is, they were all wearing very short pants. All of them. And tight pants which you can never pull it down. Actually its okay, but then you realize they are boys. Anyway i noticed that the length of what you wear to cover your legs depends on your age.

Note: There is a link between the guys and the girls.

Graph 1

As the length of the pants(guys) increases, the skirt(girls) decreases.

Noticed that? Everyone is fine with that actually, except some people. I listed out some graphs of what some people of various thinkings and occupations hope the graph will look like.
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Graph 2: Teacher's hope.

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Graph 3: Most boys hope.

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Graph 4: Girls.

*zigzag random Brownian motion can be observed*

Just joking for the last graph. Don't ever take it seriously. Ever.

Norman.

hobby

2007-07-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

Hobbies
Everyone have hobbies. Hobbies are the best thing in the world because they are activities or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Basically hobbies are also what you do in the free time, like when you get bored in a maths lesson.

Hobbies are the best thing in the world... I have a hobby. I like to draw in the free time. But thats out of point. The fun thing now is hobbies can be anything; swimming, reading, running, blogging. Anything! It is like 'x', where 'x' is a variable and 'y' = 0.

Everyone have hobbies. Stalin does. Hitler does. But the special thing about their hobbies is that it involves killing people, which is actually okay if you really think of it. Killing people in the free time.

There are people that I know of who have hobbies too, although not as fantastic and amazing as Hitler's and Stalin's hobbies, at least they have hobbies. They eats, sleeps and smiles.

The thing i don't get it is how they consider these three things as hobbies. I see them everywhere in friendster. whats your hobby?? Oh, sleeping! I sleep too. The thing is, sleeping, eating and smiling are like sex: they are necessary.

Listing them as hobbies is as equivalent to saying " I had sex with Michael jack`son. ", and you happen to be a guy.
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been rather busy lately. Videos listed below.

Trap on treetop walk 2

Hit by a stick

Next post, tomorrow(confirmed).

cokewater

2007-07-01T19:31:00.000+08:00

Coca cola or Water?

Have you ever received some extremely irritating emails that tells you to choose which one of something do you like? For example the question is "Do you want to drink coke or water?". Be prepared. What follows next will change your opinion.

Its really quite irritating actually. You do love coke more than water, but you know that the texts that follows are completely biased against coke.

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This is the text that are present in the mail itself:

Water

#1) 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.)

#2) In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is mistaken for hunger.

#3) Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as mu8ch as 30%.

#4) One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

#5) Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

#6) Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

#7) A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

#8) Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
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Coke

#1 In many states the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

#2 You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke
and it will be gone in two days.

#3 To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

#4 To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

#5 To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.

#6 To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

#7 To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

#8 To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

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FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

#1) The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

#2) To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) commercial trucks must use hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

#3) The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean engines of the trucks for about 20 years!

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Fuck you.
Just look at how biased it is. "Oh, oh. Coke or water:)?" "Psssst. I got the answer. it starts with 'W' and ends with 'ater'." Want to know why? Heres another hint! Basically, coke is acidic. Anything acidic is bad. No matter what pH value it has because if you put an object in it long enough, it will eventually dissolve to nothing.

Now imagine you drink coke when you are 3. Now you are 18. The difference is 15years which is equivalent to 5464 days. According to the email, coke will dissolve a nail (Let us all forget that nails are metal, and when metal and acid comes in contact, hydrogen is produced and the metal will be gone) in about four days!

If you actually went to work it out, (and if your body have nails) you would already be lacking of 1366nails in your body. Isn't it amazing? Now imagine you are a mechanic and you accidentally stuffed one hundred nails into your entire body, yet you are alive. How long will you take to recover? (Note: 1 nail to dissolve = 4 days)

Solution:
Number of days for you to recover
= 100 x 4
= 400.

You will take 400 days to recover
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Other advantages of coke includes:

When you are angry with someone, and you happen to be holding a bottle of coke, try this. You open the bottle of coke and pour it in his face. Next you make him unconscious so that he will not be able to wash away the coke on his face for at least 4 days.

When you are in jail, bring coke. It rules. You could get out in a matter of days, depending on how thick the metal is.

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WARNING: IF YOUR COKE COMES IN CAN, DO NOT KEEP IT FOR MORE THAN 4 DAYS.
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Ditch this bullshit.

Norman
(videos uploaded by next post)

video

2007-06-28T20:56:00.000+08:00

Video

Trap on treetop walk 1

Sorry, have been busy with schoolwork these days. More videos uploaded tomorrow.

orgin

2007-06-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

Where do we come from?
By reading this post, you agree that this post does not insult anything. It is just crap.
"Where do we come from?". This question has been asked by millions of people that lived thousands of years ago and till now, people are still looking for the answer. The reason why people are so curious about this is because all of us wants to know how we come by to such intelligent beasts.

Since then, countless theories have been formed. Here are some of the most famous ones.
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Einstein Theory of monkeys.

Countless experiments have been made just to get a definite answer for this particular question, although the answer will not benefit us in any significant ways.

Albert Einstein (March 14, 1879 - April 18, 1955) was a physicist and mathematician who proposed the theory of evolution. He also made major contributions to the development of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics and cosmology, and is generally regarded as the most important monkey of the 20th century. He was awarded the 1921 Nobel Prize for Physics for his explanation of the photoelectric effect and "for his services to Theoretical Physics"; however, the announcement of the award was not made until a year later, in 1922, the year when the first big foot was spotted.

This of course, added to his suspicion that monkeys actually do have the intellect to deceive human beings that they were stupid, but they aren't. In 1924, 2 years after massive research on the theory of evolution, Einstein quickly solved the mystery. He set up a simple experiment.

1)A caged monkey
2)Einstein himself
3)Lie detector.

Albert Einstein questioned a caged monkey several question, each time with a lie detector beside it. It turned out that monkeys are either extremely clever or plain dumb. Its either they tricked the lie detector...or simply is telling the truth.

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Men Theory of Magic

This theory is the oldest one known to man. This is the believe in Magic.. . This theory tells us that everything magically appears by itself, of which includes humans. This theory is dated so old that people of that century believed that an eclipse is actually the act of a dragon swallowing the sun.

(Enlightened guy with a smile, namely SRI SRI RAVI SHANKAR)

This particular theory greatly contradicts with modern science, though. We no longer have atoms, electrons, protons. Everything is simple, as it is. Everything is the creation of something out of nothing.

Periodic table.

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Thomas Edison Theory of ET( Extraterrestrial)

Over hundreds of years, millions of unexplainable objects and happenings ( For example, the crop circle) has been found and occurring. There is only one way to uncover these mysteries once and for all.

In short, this theory tells us that all of us (lifeforms) are Aliens, (those little green man with huge, black shiny eyes you see on Television) are actually us. We belong to an entirely different galaxy. Rather unfortunately, some of us climbed onto a meteorite and the meteorite flew and hit Earth.

This also means that we are directly related to all animals, insects, and other living creatures on Earth. The next time you decide to run away from a cockroach, think again. You and it are actually relatives. Having sex with insects are animals will be seem as normal.

This absurd theory causes people to believe that Thomas Edison is an ET, therefore have so much knowledge into this. It is highly possible, since no one else came up with such a theory before.

Besides, Thomas Edison could have had given himself the name "Thomas Edison" because he is an ET. if you take out the first letters of his name, it would turn out to be TE. Not forgetting the fact that at that time, its fashionable to call others by inverting their names. Therefore, if you actually try to invert his name and take out the first letters of each, The 2 letter that are left behind are actually

ET

Coincidence? You decide!
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Norman Theory of M.V

M.V stands for Mother's Vagina.
This theory, one of the most famous yet, is made by the great Norman. Norman claims that all of us come from our Mother's vagina. It doesn't matter who you are, boy or girl, we emerged from a vagina, and slowly but surely, starts growing, and eventually into what we are now.

Unlike all other theories, this theory actually does have scientific prove. Ask your mother for more information regarding this theory.

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After reading these four theories, you should at least have your own opinion of which theory is the correct one, if not, you are gay(doesn't matter what gender you actually are), since gay are not allowed to have opinions anyway.

So...which theory do you believe in? ( Poll will end on 1st July)

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Norman.

realmusic

2007-06-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

Fuck 'real' Music.

After a long consideration of whether or not to make this post, I decided to make it.

Some people obviously, in a bid to defend their favourite band which was in fact proven to play sucky songs, will definitely say this to you " You don't know what is real music lah, don't talk anyhow! You listen to *insult your choice of genre*"

My initial reaction to the phrase " You don't know real music.." was WHAT THE FUCK IS REAL MUSIC!?!? There is no such thing! And it's true. I always back up my idea with evidence, and here it is.

Talk about a desperate attempt to cover up for sucky songs. Some people just isn't aware that everyone likes different songs. Only stupid people likes a certain band or singer, because the singer and band surely will not come up with kickass song all the way, and will certainly make a shit song once in a while.

Just like Fast And Furious: Tokyo drift. Seriously, no song is worse than that. First of all, just by looking at the name, I know it sucks already. Who the hell would be able to come up with a nice song about Tokyo? So if no one can make a nice song for Tokyo, lets all try to make a nice song for a drifting Tokyo.

and when it drifts too fast..

..

..

..

..

Lyrics:
[Chorus]
I wonder if you know
How they live in Toyko
If you see me then you mean it
Then you know you have to go
Fast and furious (Tick, Tick, Tick)
Fast and furious (Tick, Tick, Tick)
[Repeat]

[Japanese verse]

I see many many diamonds danglin
Back for the money keep stranglin
Hate me, fry me, bake me, try me
All the above cuz you can't get in
I don't want to put up with them
Because we put a fresh ....
Make you, shake you, .... (Thank you!)
Haters ..................

[Japanese verse]

[Chorus]

[Japanese verse]

Should see me in the parking lot
7-11 is the spot
Mice with wings and shiny things
And lions, tigers, bears, Oh my ride
We're furious and fast
Super sonic like JJ Phat
An' we rock cuz the wheels are fly
Can't be doubt with a bastball bat

[Japanese verse]

[Chorus]

[Japanese verse]

It's gotta be the shoes
Gotta be the furs
That's why ladies choose me
All up in the news
Cuz we so cute
That's why we so huge
[Japanese]
Not a Chinaman cuz I ain't from China man
I am Japan man

[Girls Talking]
You see him come and go out of the black Benz SLR.
I wonder where he get's that kind of money?
Don't worry about it.
Lets Go

[Chorus]

Damn the shitty lyrics. Damn the English. In fact, nothing of the lyrics is good. Nothing. If i am given a choice of listening to this song or to run 2.4km run, I'll choose the latter. Wait, this isn't even a song. I don't get it. How can anyone think this is a song???
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Back to the main point: There is no real music. If there is, it will be punk rock and death metal. Definitely not blues, jazz, pop or anything near.

Norman.

Fastfood Sucks

2007-06-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

Fast food sucks

All fast food restaurant sucks. Seriously. All of them are too expensive. The only good thing about is the the air-conditioned place, but I still don't think it's worth it to spend more than a dollar for that.

For example, the cheapest burger you can get from macdonalds is the hamburger, which is priced at $1.30. It sucks. Guess what it contains only.

Yes. And it's priced at $1.30. Guess what I can do with the $1.30 if I do not buy the hamburger from macdonalds? Half a plate of chicken rice.

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A hawker centre, however, is obviously much much better. Imagine..a 6piece chicken special at KFC..costs proximately the price of one whole spring chicken in a hawker centre. And if you guys really want good food, go a hawker centre. Fast foods are made by MACHINES.

*Having a camp. Posting on thursday. Sorry for the short post.*

Norman.

moodswing

2007-06-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

NO MOODSWING!
Note: this is an extremely bias post.

Boys shouldn't have mood swing. You can't have. You don't have menstruation. You don't have menopause. Your penis don't suddenly bleed. Stop giving yourself excuses to show off your fucking attitude boys (not referring to anyone in particular). You DON'T HAVE MOOD SWING!

ANY boy who claims he have a mood swing is a liar, because no boys should have it. The only group of boys I know of who CAN actually have the potential to have mood swings are those who have both penis and vagina.

Think about it. Do you really want to have a penis and a vagina...AND NO BALLS??? That is what will happen if you are going to have mood swing..if you are a boy that is. If you are a girl you are going to be just okay and stay with just one vagina.(Don't ask me how do i know that, because I know everything and should never be questioned.)

Heres what you should do if you see a guy who claims he have mood swing.

Ask him straight "Do you have both penis and vagina and no BALLS?" Then tell him "If no, you do not have mood swing because you can't menstruate if you don't have a vagina. If you cant menstruate, you don't have mood swing."

If the guy claims that he only have one penis, no vagina and have BALLS, and he is still positive he have mood swing, beware. YOU, MY FRIEND, IS TALKING TO A SEX-CHANGE PATIENT. He is actually an it. That is, you do not know what gender it is. It might just suddenly be horny and rape you(no matter what gender you are, as it is after all, half man, half women). When you realize it, do not panick. End all conversation with it. SPRINT to the nearest police station you can find and seek help. They are trained for dealing with these matters.

A word of warning though. Never ever attempt to handle the monster ALONE. You will definitely, 100%, sure to get raped. It is of extreme danger. You don't want to get rape.

Norman.

TNL3

2007-06-09T20:31:00.000+08:00

What TNL can do to you
First of all, sorry for the delay.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Refer to post to find out what TNL is:
Http://normanau1.blogspot.com/2007/02/tnl.html
Http://normanau1.blogspot.com/2007/04/tnl2.html.

TNL can really, really, really be harmful you know. I've recently come across this blog that uses TNL. All of you must look at this.

I believe she had wanted to type "coming", but maybe just maybe, she forgot the spelling of "coming"! Now, this begs the question " Who the fuck in this world above the age of 8 don't know how to spell "coming"!?" You know something? Even grandmothers know how to spell "coming", and it's true.

You see?

The thing is, even if you can't spell "coming", you should be clever enough NOT to use "coming",since any attempt to use it will risk you becoming a clown. I mean.. CUMING?! You know WHAT THE FUCK is CUM?

So back to the first picture.. "baby cuming hm tmoroe![:"..Soooo...the baby is ejaculating home tomorrow? That makes it a fucking baby! (literally.) The baby will surely grow up to be a pervert.

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People who know me should also know that my English really sucks, right.. which is true. The thing is, even with my poor vocabulary and grammar skills, I can spot some spelling and grammatic error that someone(not going to reveal her identity) had made. SOME.

The circled words represents spelling errors.
The crossed sentences represents bad grammar,
the ticked sentences represents correct sentences.

I am not sure if i corrected it correctly. Perhaps some of then is wrong and i missed out...but never mind.

TNL is really, really harmful. It is like suicide "It kills". Never try it.
Be a man. Do the right thing.
Maybe you don't heed the advice here now, then you see how many people died because of TNL, and you come back later, it's too late! You would have used TNL and is probably suffering from cancer already! Be a man. Do the right thing.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Norman.

TLens

2007-06-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

Transition Lens
Transition Lens company is an asshole company. They give stupid advertisement. Look at this.

I'd really wished to tick one, but then i realized it's just another stupid advertisement with a person smiling for no reason(the company probably want people to think that anyone who uses that product is happy).

Look at the options they give you. TICK ONE!
*Risk having eye diseases later on in life
*Wear a pair of transition lens

I can easily think of what the company will do for an advertisement next.
*Die
*Wear a pair of transition lens

*Become HIV positive
*Wear a pair of transition lens

*Tortured from 99 days
*Wear a pair of transition lens
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I'm trying to say that this is common sense. Obviously people will rather wear transition lens then have eye diseases. But the thing is, one might still get eye diseases even if they wear transition lens.

And by giving those two options, they are giving people the impression that normal glasses suck and shouldn't be worn at all. I hate this ad.

Norman.

People

2007-06-06T20:39:00.000+08:00

People

Has anyone realized that more and more idiots have escaped from IMH (Institute of Mental Health) and take public buses home to escape from the wrath of the nurses? I did. It was horrible, just like watching someone shit in his pants. Seriously.

The main idea here is the idiots actually take on public buses, which strictly says " No idiots allowed. Any idiots found will be executed. BY LAW." But you and I both know idiots. They know nothing. They don't even now abc, so its perfectly alright for them not to know the definition of execution. Forgive and forget.

I've this experience once. I tried to take bus 176 home from school. Somehow i can't board the bus because its full. But then i saw. I saw empty space, and saw people who just won't move in. It was then that it struck me. I remembered the news i watched yesterday..

It was about this accident in IMH. Someone bombed it and the idiots escaped. I wonder where they escaped to. Now i know. They deliberately took on this 176 bus to stop me from going home! Fuck these idiots. If I could, I would have took a shotgun and shot them all dead.

But i gave them a second chance. A second chance in society. I gave them yellow ribbons, and told them all about the yellow ribbon campaign.

This post has no meaning. Posting tomorrow. Not kidding, even though i have camp tomorrow.

Want music? Use a ear piece

2007-06-01T19:50:00.000+08:00

Want music? Use a ear piece.

I think its safe to say that there are more and more people out there who don't know that theres this invention called 'earpiece' or 'bluetooth device' or 'headphone'. For the benefit of the people who do not know those inventions, a picture of a headphone is shown below.

A headset

Maybe, just maybe, it is time for you guys to buy one! With it, people won't scold FUCK to you on the bus when you blast your stupid songs! Everyone will be happier, especially these people.

Their company

You know karma? It exist. It is true, scientists have proven it. By buying a earpiece, you get to make everyone happy, especially their company. Moreover, they will also gain more money. Karma states that if you do something good in your life, something good will happen to you. Really.

However, in order to achieve this, you must know how to use it in such a way that everyone is happy. I have taken the initiative to tell you what you should not do with a earpiece to make everyone happy.

1) Plug the earpiece in both your ears and completely unaware that you have not plug it in to your mp3 or hand phone, proceed to play your music.

-If you do that, your music will blast out! Imagine that happening! You do not want that because people will be disappointed with you, especially your mother. use your brain to remember the procedure to use your earpiece. You don't want to be careless.

2) Use it while you are swimming.

-This will spoil your earpiece. You will have to buy another one or get it fixed(no other option as 'not buying/repairing' is impossible). Please take note of this: Do not let water come into contact with your earpiece.

3) Let your 3> x year old brother/sister look at it, close up.

-Your brother/sister will eat it, which doesn't really matter. The bad thing is, your earpiece can't be used anymore. You will have to buy another one or get it fixed.

4) Attempt to break open it to learn how to make a similar one.

-Considering the fact that you do not even know that earpieces exist, DON'T. In fact, NEVER EVER do it.Don't even think about it. It is against everyone's common sense. And the law.

The law. Don't do something and regret later on..

5) Cut the earpiece because you don't know how to switch it off.

Some earpiece cannot be switched off. For these earpiece, do not worry. Simply switch off your mp3 or hand phones to stop the music.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Practice makes perfect. You do want your life to be good don't you (Hint: Think of karma while answering this question)? With a earpiece, you can improve your life.

EARPIECE + PROCEDURE + MP3 + PEOPLE + BRAINS/MEMORIZE = GOOD LIFE

You can be THIS happy!

-----------------------------------------------------------
Norman.
Comments are welcomed.

CME fucking useless

2007-05-29T17:22:00.000+08:00

CME is fucking useless

I wonder why all schools have this lesson in the first place: CME (Civics and Moral Education). Whatever that is taught in the lesson is useless. I mean, no one will listen to lectures in any situation. First of all, it is boring. Second... never mind.

Anyway, my point here is that CME is bullshit and should be removed from all schools (especially schools that aren't primary schools). I'll give you a clue what it teaches us. It starts with the letter "C" and ends with "ivics and Moral". (Did you guessed it right?)

Just look at the questions they ask you. An example is shown below

John is a chinese boy. A malay boy named Syafiq came and wants to make friend with him. What should he do?

1) Beat the fuck out of Syafiq
2) Throw a grenade at him
3) Declare war with his race
4) Say Yes.

Correct answer is 4, obviously. If anyone can't answer that, he/she is obviously a racist. I hate racists.

CME is based purely on common sense. You don't need people to teach you not to kill. You learn through experience. You do it once, you don't repeat the same mistake. Thats how you do it. Not through lessons.

The image below shows a man who have learn not to steal through experience.

(man is in jail)

Below is cartoon on what will happen IF the man only goes through CME lessons.

Which is better?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Norman.

Children truth

2007-05-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

Children should learn the truth
Everyone have the right to know of the truth, even children. I believe it is time for them to know the truth in this world:

EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE EVENTUALLY

And the death will most probably be extremely painful.

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Children shouldn't be kept from the fact that the world out there is a very harsh one: in fact, they should be exposed to the truth as early as possible. If you are a parent, always remember that there is not such thing as a white lie on earth. Every single lie is bad.

For a start, you should refrain your child from watching barney.

If you ever spot your child watching barney, tell them straight away that:
Dinosaurs are extinct.
Even if they aren't, they will eat you up.
There is a person inside that fur costume.

If your child does not believe you, slap them. If they cry, slap them again. This usually shuts them up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you keep this up, your child will be on the way to becoming a great one. Remember, all this is done for the betterment of your child.

Allergy

2007-05-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

Allergy
Being allergic to something can be good or bad. Why? Lets say you are a boy and you are allergic to other penises. That could very well save your life( Just imagine the other party is an aids carrier). On the other hand, you could be a boy that is allergic to vagina. If thats so, you are so dead.

Your parents are going to kill you on the spot because you can't carry on the family line.

Your penis simply sucks! Your mother will be angry!

But hey! They can be put into good use if you do not want to go to school. Let your teacher be a male, and you are allergic to penises. Pass a letter to your friend to pass it to your teacher. This letter should tell the teacher why you did not turn up for school.

Letter:
Dear Mr Tan,

I am _________(This is you). I will be sick today if i come school because I am allergic to penises. I realized that whenever I stand near to you, I will have breathing difficulties and rashes( which are the symptoms of my allergy).

I know the way to solve the problem is not by skipping school. I will eventually still have to come to school to learn, otherwise I will not be promoted to Secondary 4. Therefore for the welfare of the students(especially me), I propose that you Mr Tan, cut off your penis.

By cutting off your penis, pupils can come back to school again to catch up on what they have missed out on. Thus, i hope that you will cooperate with me and cut off your penis as soon as possible in order to minimize the stress on these pupils.

Think about it. Be creative. Make sure that if you are allergic to something, make good use of it. If people insult you, tell yourself " They are jealous because I am special. "

Norman.

Really, really never send me anymore chain mails

2007-05-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

Really, really never send me anymore chain mails
Please stop it people. I really, really hate chain mails. Oh when I say chain mails, i mean those stupid ones that when you don't pass it on, something freaking horrible will happen to you or someone you know that you are fond of or something like that.

These dumbass chain mails often contains what the individual wants you to do, for example, make the title into: **Why boys shouldn't cheat on girls**

Which is very misleading and is based purely on the individual's personal opinion, and cannot be trusted at all. I mean, take a look at the following image to find how stupid one chain mail can get.

(click on the images to enlarge them)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You see that? Thats a nice made up story by that person.

All chain mails are the same: If you don't send to others, you get a fucking lot of curses by that individual, which is extremely irritating. Seriously.. imagine a situation where..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another irritating one:

Yah you know why you won't get it back yeah. If you are so good at mind reading, go and make a living out there. I have enough faith in you that you will succeed just like i have enough faith in an elephant that speaks English exist in this world.

See what i mean by personal opinion? If 1 to 5 people send back to you, it isn't anywhere near to the reason why you are too lazy to forward it. It's because you are a geek, which probably is trying to tell us that geeks can only have 1-5 friends. Anymore than that he/she isn't classified as one.

Oh that means i am a geek.

How to make your own effective advertisement!

2007-05-20T18:03:00.000+08:00

How to make your own effective advertisement!
With some patience, you too can create your very own banner of which advertises your own product! This post is going to tell you how to make your very own effective advertisement. Good luck, all the best to trick your customers!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
1) Make sure that the title of your banner is HUGE. Make sure that the content are much smaller compared to the title. This is important so that your customer will know what you are trying to sell immediately. The bigger the difference, the more significant it is.

2) Make sure you exaggerate. If you are selling a house, make sure you say that its:

A magnificent and beautiful house, complete with 4 large rooms and a very clean toilet, with a bathtub which could fill an ENTIRE body in!

Even if your house is just like all the others.

3) Ensure that you use words like "Beautiful, marvelous, fantastic, humongous" at least once in every sentence that you make.

4) All contents that will cause the customer to think in their mind "Oh it isn't that good afterall", if must, should all be put in extreme small font and the color of the word should be somewhat close the the background color, but not exactly the background color so that it can't be seen at all. Example:

200 X 400
centimeter sized house!!!

*Highlight the above text*

5) If the size of your product is small, make sure that you enlarge it a few times. use photoshop and make the things around it seem smaller. This will cause your customer to think that it is really big, and that its worthwhile to buy it.

If the product isn't that attractive, ask a professional
photographer to take a picture of it. Next, ask someone who is great at photoshop to make it look extremely cool.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, don't stop here!!! These are somethings you can do to your shop
--------------------------------------------------------------------

6I) Let the amount of money you want to sell the product at be $3.00. This step here is very important. NEVER let the price be $3.00. You should do something like:

*note: remember to add the word "ONLY" and some "!!!".

Isn't it great? You get to earn $0.85 extra.

6II) Hold sales like 'closing down sales' every month. Don't hold back! Write the percentage amount they could save by buying things during these sales so that the lazy customers will take a look at the amount they will save and marvel.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
You are halfway there, don't stop now!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
7) Always add in extremely small font at the corner of your banner " Terms and conditions apply ". Make sure that it stays as insignificant as possible.

8) Make sure you instill a little bit of humor in the content. This will cause the customer be let their guards down. If your customer is entertained enough, strike.

9) Ensure that you reduce every unit to as small as you can. However, do not reduce it to the smallest at some time, for example 1 kg to 1000grams, and not to milligrams because the word ''milli'' makes everything seem smaller.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Now you are left with some touching up.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
10) Ensure that your content is clear, precise, and will not bore your customer one bit! Background should not be too nice and this will then cause your picture of your product to e amplify in its magnificence.

11) NEVER use words that are unfamiliar to many people. Use words like "best" and not "pre-eminent".

12) Paragraph your content.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
You are done!
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This may be a little hard at first, but remember, practice makes perfect. With hard work comes big rewards. Heres a sample of a perfect advertisement.

Click image to view

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Norman

Healthy food

2007-05-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

Haha I am healthy!

Why can't people just admit that they aren't healthy at all? Just like all those starving children in Africa (the only difference is that they have been forced to be unhealthy because they don't have enough food, but ignore that) . If you aren't healthy, please don't act like you are actually a healthy person.

The dumbest thing to do if you want to act that you are healthy is to actually try to order healthy food in a fast food restaurant. You proceed to the counter and ask for say, healthy burger.

Now do you want an unhealthy burger or a healthy burger?
---------------------------------------------------------------
How about fries WITHOUT SALT?

Now, do you want to be healthy?

Quiz

2007-05-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

OK, so blogger's recovered.
A short post, you people MUST do this quiz.

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/397508

Sign up if you want to know your results. Its free and idiotic.
Anyone who i spot getting a 100% wins a prize.

Norman,
Namron.

Sunglasses rule

2007-05-13T22:53:00.000+08:00

Sunglasses Rules

Sun glasses rocks. I wonder who created it. Really, it rocks. Instead of just blocking light rays from the sun, there are a couple of other things you can do by making use of its components. Yes, abusing it. Maybe, the person who invented sunglasses did not plan to really use it for blocking light rays from the sun! Maybe...

Let the person be 'it'.

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Situation 1) Not enough money

It wanted some money. It has no talent. None at all, the only way is to beg for money. And it would act as if it is blind.

As you can see, no one would believe what it said because people can see that it have eyes. So it thought of a great idea..and it worked. Sunglasses!

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Situation 2) He is a PERVERT

It is a guy. He's a pervert. He wanted to peep at girls vagina. What did it do? After thinking for quite a while, i found out that it

It was horrible. He was immediately kicked in the groin area. For those who don't know what has been kicked, it's a penis( pronounced as 'pe- nus' ). He is now without a penis, but he is still a pervert. So he invented sunglasses, and nothing of that happened again.

He succeeded, and NEVER AGAIN was he kicked in the penis.

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Norman,
Namron.

Fliers

2007-05-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

Fliers

Lets just face it, fliers = propaganda. Companies nowadays just can't survive without propaganda anymore, reason being that they have one great quality most people want to have, but can't reach that limit anyway.

Totally inept at everything they do (except propaganda. Hell they suck it it too)

This statement isn't baseless. In fact, scientists have said that it is true that most companies are totally inept in everything they do except propaganda. Scientists like Albert Einstein himself. I've taken the initiative to type out what what he said: "Companies are totally inept at everything they do except propaganda. What they know is to write a load full of rubbish and prompt you into subscribing as a member under their company's name and become a living advertisement for them. They don't even know what is inside an proton. Look at me, I know. There are quarks. I am different. I am an exceptionally adroit physicist."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, after months of studies, i found out the key factors as to why they are inept at everything.

1) They have classy names like "Adam"
Whats wrong with the name? EVERYTHING!!! You ever heard of one of this popular belief? Adam is believed to be the first person alive created by God. Why the hell do people name their children Adam. Perhaps ...they believe that their child is the first monster created by God? Maybe when I have a child, I'll name my child Hitler if it's a boy, and Stalin if it's a girl.

2)They actually prefer yahoo than google.
1 word: Abnormal.

3)They watch "x idol", where x can be any country.
Watching it is as good as staring at the wall. You watch a show, featuring someone getting famous, while you just sit comfortably at home and vote for some idiot. I don't even understand how such a program is allowed to be shown on television. If these type of show can be so popular, maybe i should make my own show featuring how much of a genius I actually am. (People who disagree can go to hell)

4)They eat fishballs

A Fish ball and a Fish

First of all fishballs don't even look like fish. Fish balls are white, round, and usually choke babies to death. Fish don't. Oh wait, they kill babies by letting them swallow their bones. But they still look different anyway. A fishball lives on land. Fishes don't. Once they reach land, they die. Just think: Do fishermen fish for fish...or fishballs? A fish can swim, while a fishball can roll. I mean, what the fuck??? Why can't people just start eating fish and not artificial balls??? Is it so hard to not eat balls for once? Oh yah. Male fish have balls.

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I think I totally went off topic, but it doesn't matter anyway.

Norman,
Namron.

Case Study: Toy production

2007-05-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

Case Study: Toy production

Once upon a time, a businessman thought of a great idea to make the ideal toy for kids of all ages. Hell, the toy is even popular with adults. Competitions were even held for these toys. Maybe it isn't a toy, i don't know but it doesn't matter. I bought one of it anyway. The toy I am referring to is the TAMIYA car.

I agree that this toy is fun, you can even modify it and enter competitions.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then, theres this production of toys called Bey blade, which I am sure many of you are aware of. The thing is, it's great too.

The main aim of the game is to get your opponent's bey blade out of the dish, and you win. But I'll prefer to destroy other's bey blade as its more fun then just letting them fly out of the ring, especially after they spend hundreds of dollars modifying their bey blade and changing their 'attack ring'. What you will see then: Tears. But it's still a fun game.
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The thing is, both TAMIYA cars and bey blades are fun to play. However, a creative businessman thought of an even better idea: To merge bey blade and TAMIYA, namely Crush Gear Turbo!

Hell, who could have thought of a better idea?! Of course! Since bey blade and TAMIYA cars have such great response, it probably means..

TAMIYA Cars [A GREAT game where people compete to see whose car is faster] +
Bey blade [A GREAT game where you get to destroy other's tops.] =
Crush Gear Turbo [A GREATER game where you THROW your car armed with weak plastic weapons whereupon thrown will break almost immediately HARD onto the arena, spin all by itself and attempt to thrash your opponent's car or get it out of the arena!]

A great video on crush gear ( must watch!)

---------------------------------------------------------------------
So... Crush Gear TURBO.. anyone?

Norman,
Namron.

2007-05-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

TEST

How many stupid advertisements must we have in a year?

2007-04-30T20:02:00.000+08:00

We have enough of your stupid advertisements. Stop it. No one is buying anything.

BLOG URL CHANGED.

You know why Singapore's one of the country who have the highest myopic population in the world? Just look at how many stupid advertisements that are aired everyday to damage our eyes. They all have one thing in common. Wait. They have everything in common. Shit.

I mean, all of these ads claim that their product can do something in just seconds, something which is useless and stupid such as changing diapers. Who the hell wants to help babies change diapers anyway? Babies are too pampered. Every time i see them, they will either be sleeping, or crying. Shit in diapers? Clean it yourself, baby.

Usually, the advertisements will all be about the same. I've listed off a few, which are shown below.
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Someone will be doing some stupid stuff with the advertised product like washing plates or mopping the floor. All of a sudden, there will be a man walking out from now where and ask some stupid shit like "Hey, you WILL NOT BE ABLE to get rid of that stain. You need (advertised product)", and the person will suddenly stop whatever he's doing and answer in a relatively shocked manner:

At this point of time, many people will be looking at the TV and will all think in their mind:

The man doing the stupid thing will then try out the product, and exclaim something equally stupid such as "Hey! It really works!", and like anyone really care, seriously. Finally, both of them will face the camera and..

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Another type is somewhat similar to the first. There will be some idiotic melody played at the start of the advertisement, while the camera slowly move left and right, and finally zoom in to...

some idiot washing a car using the advertised product. The next thing that everyone will expect to happen is another guy walking in and asking "Hey what the hell are you doing?" The idiot will reply with some idiotic reply like "I'm just saving money and time" and give the same type of smile pedophiles give.

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I just don't get how the companies even agree to air such stupid advertisements.

Food Review: Indian Stall

2007-04-28T14:22:00.001+08:00

Food Review
There is this Indian stall that sells great and considerably cheap food.

It is located in Bukit Panjang Jelebu-road, Ten-mile Junction 2nd floor's food-more, just beside a stall selling western food. Usually, there will be an indian man playing around with balls of dough that are stacked together right in front of you(that is if you are facing the store), without gloves.
(Anyway you shouldnt be afraid that it's unhygienic because bacterias die when the pratas are being fried.)

The thing is, this stall makes sure everything you want is fresh. Pratas, Curry fish head, Murtabaks are all made after you order. If you are those who aren't in a rush, you should love this stall.

They also present their food in such a way that it pleases the eyes of the consumer, at least compared to 2 round plates(1 for curry, the other for prata).

The stall sells Nasi Goreng, Mee Goreng, Pratas, Murtabak, Curry fish head and more. If you are a fan of spicy food, then Nasi/Mee Goreng suits you.

I personally like the onion prata($0.80 per piece), beef murtabak($3.00) and curry fish head ($18.00) the most. Anyway, it is much better than CSS canteen's pratas( which i find it sucky).

Cost(not very accurate)
Plain Prata $0.60
Onion Prata $0.80
Egg Prata $1.00
Cheese Prata $1.20
Egg with Onion $1.50
Cheese with egg $1.80

No harm trying out this stall.

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Video of the day

Nash 'sedi-ah' Adil to his death.
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Norman,
Namron.

i am @ youth.sg

2007-04-27T19:31:00.000+08:00

Social Issues
Don't expect any suggestions to improve any of the social issues listed here as i won't be giving any.

There are a number of shit to talk about when it comes to social issues. We have the "I cut myself to know I'm alive", the "Stare what stare?", the inconsiderate idiots on buses, the "I like to kiss my girlfriend in front of everyone", the "ii luvv ssmaal kacee latterhs und tis kiinda shwiit", the smoker and a lot of others to talk about if I'm not as lazy as I usually am.

1) Emo
2) Low-self esteem
3) Inconsiderate
4) Kiss and hug in public
5) ii duuno propall iinklishh
6) I like to kill myself by smoking.
7) Prostitutes

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I am EMO!

Behold the new trend EMO. EMO is also known as extremely-sensitive, where EMOs (People who are EMO) usually get offended by whatever comments people give to them.

Person1: Hi
EMO: hi...
Person1: How's life?
EMO: ARE YOU INSULTING ME???:(

Note that even if you are sad, life must go on. Why be sad? Look on the bright side of life. "EMO: That will be equivalent to deceiving oneself." It doesn't matter. At least you won't cut yourself.

And the all-time favorite phrase of EMO, " I CUT MYSELF TO KNOW I'M ALIVE ". Great job. Are you a kindergarten dropout? Don't know the difference between stupid and brainless? Oh wait, they are the same. Maybe i should talk to know that i have a mouth you know.
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I have low-self esteem!
"Stare what stare? Want to fight ah!?" says gangster.

WHAT IF... THE PERSON... IS STARING AT... the pretty girl behind the gangster? What if the person is staring at the wall behind the gangster? Gangsters pick fight at the slightest reason, for example:

Why you walk? Why can't you crawl? Not happy is it? Come and settle lah!

or

Why did you blink your eye in front of me? Why can't you blink your eyes elsewhere? Is it a necessity to blink your eyes in front of me??YES???

The best response is to endure whatever shit they say. They just want to find trouble. If you are so clever as to fight back, you are dumb in all aspects.
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I am inconsiderate!

Don't you just hate inconsiderate people? For example, people who occupy 2 seats on buses, of which one of them is occupied by their bag. There are many more examples. For example..

This uncle is blasting the volume of his PSP. The women in front of him wasn't able to take it and changed seat when the chance came. Talk about being inconsiderate.
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Too lazy to finish.

Cute?

2007-04-24T20:20:00.000+08:00

Cute?
Theres this assumption that "Cute= Adorable AND ugly".

If the above statement is true.. then cute should be an insult, which isn't.
And what happens to people who are pretty and cute?

Wikipedia:
"Cuteness is a delicate and attractive kind of beauty commonly associated with youth and innocence. Human infants and many baby animals define "cuteness" for most people, and the standard characteristics of infancy are typically used to judge the cuteness of other phenomena (for example, plush toys or adult animals). Cute animals and humans instill a desire to care."

Dictionary.com:
"Attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty."

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Cute is not adorable and ugly. Cute is adorable correct. But not ugly. It doesn't mean that the person who u saw is cute and ugly means that cute is also ugly. It just means 1 thing:
The person is ugly.

This begs the question: Who is the person who spread this shit? I mean, how do people even come up with the thought that "Cute= adorable and UGLY"? TNL users. TNL users are stupid. Just look at how many of them fail to write proper sentences everyday. Who the hell can't write properly? How much effort does it take anyway? 37?

Oh no, english? Buy a dictionary.

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Norman,
Namron.

Serial Killer

2007-04-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

Serial Killer
(Crap post)

Image shows crime scene

(Mr Tan)

There was hell in Jurong East yesterday afternoon, as a 24 year-old man accidentally killed over 20people. Mr Tan, an eye-witness said:

I was happily chatting on the phone when suddenly, a gust of wind blew me into an open field. There, i spotted a man wearing green shirt and pants. He was strangling another man on the floor, who had then seemed rather lifeless. I went in for a closer look of course, and found the man dead.

(Mr Ismail)

Could Mr Tan's statement be reliable? We shall find out soon enough. Now, we will have Mr Ismail to tell us what she had seen on that fateful day.

I work in a photography company, thus have a the ability to take higher quality photos. I was petrified when i saw a man wearing full green stuffed a boy wearing the same shirt into a deserted tank. The man proceeded on to kill more people. I have taken some snapshots for evidence.

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Below are the snapshots taken by Mr Ismail

(Man was said to be killed by an intense blow to the right of his head)

(A living, suffocating man being chocked. He did not last long.)

(A boy being rescued after the serial kill)

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However, the serial killer escaped after killing 10 people or so. If you have seen the following man or is aware of where the man stay, please contact the NKVD. The NKVD seeks for your cooperation. Thank you.

The man is believed to look like this.
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Norman,
Namron.

Friendster?

2007-04-22T13:23:00.000+08:00

I have 8 friends
Yesterday i have 7 friends. Before yesterday, i only have 3 friends. And the day before, 0. It's true, I am a loner.

Friendster is the best site i have ever been to. I love friendster. With friendster, comes great friends. Frienster is so great, I have been alive for only 15 years and i already have 8 friends.

Do you want to be my friend? If so, you must sign up as a member in http://friendster.com to be my friend. If not, you aren't my friend.

Frienster is pornographic. People are constantly talking about testicles.

Norman,
Namron.

For those who have not visited my friendster, visit it now at http://friendster.com/ahsnamron.

2007-04-20T21:56:00.000+08:00

Yu Gi Oh Cards

Scene of people playing Yu Gi Oh cards

For convenience sake, Yu Gi Oh cards will be called Y.cards in this post

Playing cards in school? What the hell?!? THIS IS AGAINST SCHOOL RULES! BESIDES EXAMS ARE AROUND THE CORNER. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING???? Never mind.

Why Y.cards?
Why Y.cards? Y.cards are cards. cards are made of PAPER. However these paper are expensive. Why? Because of decoration and packaging.

Price of cards: Can't be above 20cents per card.
Plastic wrapper: Can't be above 30cents.
Total: Can't be above 50cents.

How do you earn profit? Simple. You junk the junk. Decorate the cards and the plastic. Next, put all the cards into a piece of plastic, and hey! You can sell them for $6.00 a packet!

Profit gained: SGD 5.50

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And if you are the creator of this Y.card game, you can always go around laughing at people who say:
Person1: Hey can you sell me your magical mallet for $36.50?
Person2: No deal. My magical mallet, although a piece of cardboard, is worth wayyyyy more than that.
Person1: Shucks..you are not a newbie after all. I will pay you $40 for the piece of cardboard decorated with a picture of a hammer.
Person2: No way! At least $100
Person1: Wahlau. You wait longlong ah. I need to save for longlong.
Person2: Ok lah. But 1 month will increase $10.
Person1: WHAT THE FUCK!

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Look at this picture again. Spot the word "Soul Of The Duelist" Are you determined enough to buy all the cards and be as strong as Yugi, a cartoon character?? KIDS fall for this. They look for keywords and phrases which sound 'heroic' but are usually known to adults as being 'childish'.

Example of words:
Soul, Courage, Devil, Dragon, Monster, Doom, Evil, Death

Example of phrases:
Death of the lost pharaoh, SOUL OF THE DUELIST, Night of the flying monsters, Dark wizard of the evil mountain.
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Soul of the duelist!!!

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Norman,
Namron.

This post is also available at http://fiqo.blogspot.com .

HOROSCOPE

2007-04-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

HOROSCOPE
Whats your sign? Nah it doesn't matter. Horoscopes are stupid. We are all living in the 21st century. In case you guys don't realize it, the Earth is now modernized. There are no longer walking monkeys in the streets. Most of us now know that the Earth is round. And we also know that our Sun is actually a star in our solar system. The other stars belong to other solar systems.

But amongst us, there are people who believes that by looking at stars on Earth, we can predict people's future, love-life, finance, past, not forgetting the fact that they are able to give suggestion to what you must do in order to evade the incoming mishap.

I read my horoscope for today. It says this:
Your finances look as though they’ll improve today, but in terms of your personal relationships you’ll need to watch what you say, especially this evening, when someone close will be counting on you to be reliable. If you can avoid any last minute changes to your evening plans!

What about my finances? How will it improve when I'm not even working? Evening plans? You mean to sleep? Horoscopes are shitty. Do not believe in them. Hell, they come from the same generation as when people thought that the earth is flat and the Sun is a God on the move.

Now comes the interesting part. Since i said that horoscope are absurd, why did [ INSERT EVENT THAT HAPPENED] occurred as stated in my daily horoscope?

Did it ever come to you that a person invented the word "coincidence" not just for fun? And since some people believe in horoscope, they analyze every word that the horoscope showed, and even if it isn't true at all, the person will force himself to believe there is. As a result, shit comes out.
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Instead of believing in the horoscope, why not believe in the namronscope? It's accuracy are far greater than the horoscope. Below is the namronscope for today, 19th April 2007.

Aries
You will experience a feeling that you have felt before. Today will be 19th April 2007. Your girlfriend/boyfriend(if you have one) might ( x% chance, where x is an unknown between 0 to 100) kiss you. You will also eat.

Taurus
You will wake up after you sleep, and feel tremendously sleepy if you have not slept enough. Adrenaline may be pumping in you as you anticipate for this evening's event : Dinner.

Gemini
You are evil to a certain extent. You might make friends with a stranger today.

Cancer
You might get cancer

Leo
Some people think you are a lion while others, human.

Virgo
Feelings of greatness may be experienced. Your finances may go down/up by tomorrow.

Libra
Nil.

Scorpio
You may be involved in staying alive. However do not count on it. It may be a prank made by
your peers.

Sagittarius
You have a chance of having sex today, where the % of the chance is undefined or otherwise, not known.

Capricorn
You will find it hard to break a boulder with your bare hands compared to using a crane to lift
one up...then drop it.

Aquarius
Today marks an important day in your life, just like any other days.

Pisces
You should promote http://ahs-namron.blogspot.com.
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Namron,
Norman.

Comments are better than tags. For your information, my browser can read cbox. Therefore i won't reply to tags. However, i will reply to comments.

Battle of Stalingrad

2007-04-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

Battle of Stalingrad
(short post)

Nazi Germany

Communist Russia

The battle of Stalingrad was a part of WorldWarII, fought by Nazi Germany( represented by Adolf Hitler) and Communist Russia( represented by Josef Stalin). This battle is also known to some as the bloodiest battle in history, which is supported by the pictures below.

This picture shows a German soldier trying to drown a Russian Soldier in a sink of H2O. At that time, water was scarce and was rationed. What could be worse? Nothing

Stalingrad was important to Hitler as it was a major industrial city in the banks of Volga River(a vital transport route between Caspian Sea and northern Russia) and its capture would secure the left flank of the German armies as they advanced into the Caucasus. Another factor is because Stalingrad bore the word "Stalin", which could make the city's capture an idealogical and propaganda coup.

However, Stalin realized this. He then ordered anyone that was strong enough to hold a rifle to be sent to war.

A note to remember:
Germans felt that the Treaty of Versailles was unfair. A leader(Hitler) rose to promise to solve their problem.
Stalin promised to ensure Russia's safety by making "Motherland" strong. Russians were supportive of this.

This resulted in a fierce fight as both sides were equally motivated to fight for their country, which led to many deaths, as shown below.

German captured Stalingrad.
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However, Russia captured back Stalingrad.

Picture of Russian Soldiers celebrating after the war.
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Norman,
Namron.

True Files

2007-04-12T22:12:00.000+08:00

True Files

Welcome to True Files. You may be wondering what is True Files. Well, True Files tells you of what things should have been like instead of what some adults said ( also known as liars ). Yes. Lies that fairy tales have told, all of them are harmful to the willful minds of little children. True Files gives you the result you want, that is :

1) Straight to the point
2) Accurate in judgment
3) Evidence supporting

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(True Files)Fairy Tale1: Rapunzel

In this fairy tale, a girl with extremely long hair combs her hair everyday until she gets napped by a witch who transported her up into a castle forever. Nevermind the fact that her hair will drag along the floor as she walk everyday as her hair is too long, which will lead to damaged hair, she is still pretty(according to the writer).

Later, a prince came and saw that she was trapped. The prince tried to climb her damaged hair and as a result, more hair fell off and due the the weight of the prince, Rapunzel's head broke off, and the prince died a bloody death.

The moral of the story:
Girls shouldn't keep hair longer than 5cm.
Boys shouldn't think that hairs are ropes.

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(True Files)Fairy Tale2: Little Red riding hood

Grandmother

Wolf

0% similarity.
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One fine day, little red riding hood decided to visit her grandmother. Later did she knew that her grandmother had been eaten by a wolf a week ago and has been digested throughly and turned into wolf shit.

Upon reaching her grandmother's house, she knocked on the door. The wolf barked in her sweetest growl "COME IN DARLING". The naive little girl then proceed to tell the wolf what she saw

Grandmother, what sharp teeth you have!
Grandmother, what hairy body you have!
Grandmother, what sharp nose you have!
Grandmother, what brown skin you have!
Grandmother, what deep voice you have!

Then it happened. The wolf went for a huge bite off the little girl, and tore her arm off in the process. Somehow or rather, the wolf got a stomach upset and the little girl's grandmother was free from the wolf's stomach at last, in the form of shit.

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Norman,
Namron.

Avril Lavinge

2007-04-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

Avril Lavinge: Girlfriend MV

Featuring Avril Lavinge's new MV for Girlfriend.
Shocked? Avril Lavinge: Girlfriend new MV is out. Its a different MV compared to the first, with much better quality. However it loads slowly because of the huge file. So please let it load finish before you watch it. The MV is 4.03 long.

Like it? I shall make it download-able tomorrow.

Norman,
Namron.

Please give comments!

TNL(2)

2007-04-08T17:52:00.000+08:00

Bringing TNL to a whole new level

Remember my post on The New language(TNL)? A quote from my post:

I have discovered that many people uses TNL in blogs, diarys and in fact anything that requires you to write English. It is a language ONLY used by Singaporeans, mostly teens, and are usually females.

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I was right for all of the above, except for the fact that i didn't know boys would use it on their crush/girlfriend..or rather i did not state it in my post. But the worse thing is, i did not expect boys to write notes to girlfriends using TNL. Do you?

Please click on the image

This letter which i found in school just brought TNL to a whole new level of bullshit. This is what i mean by TNL: Utter nonsense. Try writing TNL in your GCE O levels. I believe the old man in Cambridge marking your test paper will choke on his lit cigar and die. Talk about being inconsiderate.

The words written in black is believed to be written by a girl while the one written in blue, a boy.

Can you sense your hair on your arms standing? And a voice inside you growing stronger and stronger and just when you reach "Don't talk to you liao..=P", you scream "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!"

"Dont talk to you liao..=P" is pointless. its main purpose is to flirt, but i predict those two are boy girl friends already. So why flirt? To instill sexual feelings? Just go and have sex lah. Its more thrilling i believe. No need to flirt. Do not beat around the bush lah.

And the bloody bapok's reply is bloody bapok. "you also bad help ben don't help me der..he kept scolding me lor..sad sad..someone don't care for me ler..(T.T)<-(merry[insert smiley])Muackz..LOVE YOU!" There is one thing i must remind people here. 'Muackz' online doesn't work. You want to kiss, you kiss. Don't be a retard and write MUACKS! SMOOCHIES! HUGS! No one can feel it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How to write a proper note

Girl's text:

Dear boyfriend,
I am writing this letter to inform you that i will not be calling you "hey" any longer. Instead, i will be calling you "dar". Don't you feel that i am an obedient girl? My apologies, when you were having a headache, i was not able to take care of you. I feel terrible about it.

Are you still having a headache? Are you still experiencing immense pain? My heart throbs at the thought of you not talking to me. I am very sad, and am currently having English lesson. Oh, Ben informed me that you were speaking ill of me when you two chatted on the phone. What insolence, calling me petty. I am not going to talk to you any longer.

Yours sincerely,
Girlfriend
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Boy's reply

Dear Girlfriend,
My reply to your letter would be that if you are already used to calling me by whatever name there is, I will not mind at all. And I'm still currently experiencing great pain from my headache, but it's alright, do not worry. I did not talk to as you were chatting with your friend already, and i did not want to be a light bulb, very sorry about that.

Oh, the only negative comment i gave to Ben about you is that you are petty, and nothing else. You are also bad. You offer help to Ben but not me, who is your boyfriend. Are you aware that he never stopped scolding me? I feel disappointed and sad. However, i want to kiss you to let you know that I love you.

By the way, what did BiaBin tell you?
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This is the way they should have wrote.
Norman,
Namron.

COMMENTS PLEASE!

Busted

2007-04-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

BUSTED
Look at these pictures. Feel free to 'wow, what is that?'.
Note: Click on the picture for a better view.

Source A:

Feeling irritated by my thumb and the blurry image? Look below.
=================================================================

Source B:

===================================================================
===================================================================
As you can see from the 4 pictures above, the first two shows a blurry image of a person trying to cover something on his shirt and there also seems to be something covering his mouth. The last two picture shows the same, except that this time, it's a guy with sexy legs and pose..which attracted much attention..probably wanted.
===================================================================
For the benefit of those people who aren't aware what those two circled things are, they are
1) Masking Tape(mouth)
2) Paper taped to the victim's shirt written something like " DO NOT TALK TO ME, I AM TALKING TO THE WALL."

A point to take note of : The above isn't exaggerated.

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What do you mean?
By not exaggerated, i mean that i did not purposely make it look or sound very dramatic. This means that the above sources are reliable in telling us that there should be only one person who did it since both sources have the same evidences. Also, the sources are reliable in telling us that the person who did it most probably do not know of the law.

Who did it?
I'm not gonna tell you.

Why did the person do it?
It could be because the victims have caused much displeasure to the person such that the person got so angry and decided that "YES. PASTING A TAPE AND A NOTICE ON HIS BODY WILL WORK".

Will i have a chance to ever come across it or something similar?
You might never know, do not take chances. One may ask "But how?". Simple. Do not offend anyone on earth.

Is it legal?
No.

What is the person thinking?
The person could probably be thinking "Serve you right victims. You deserve to be defamed for making me irritated and angry. Never mess with thou, or thee dies..."

What will human-rights activists do?
They might complain. They might voice out. But one thing is for sure, if the human-rights activists know of it, i don't know what will happen.

Where is this place?
Forgot.
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*This post will be removed in a few days time*
Comments?

It's not hacked, its a prank

2007-04-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

APRIL FOOL

Congratulations to the people who are able to tell that the 'new blog skin' and 'new clean image' of me is an April fool's prank. For those who got fooled, congratulations too. You literally made me laugh staring at my computer screen. I salute you..r intelligence. You should be honoured to make the birthday boy (namely me) laugh.

The link:
http://ahs-namron1.blogspot.com

I actually thought that the prank was pretty obvious, theres like no way you guys can get tricked. But heck, some people just can't tell. Sorry but i have to be honest lah.

1) I wouldn't allow myself to be hacked cause i just love to blog. My password is more than 15 symbols long. And it's nonsensical.
2) No idiot hacks blog. What do they gain anyway? People hack blogs only if they hate the person.
3) It's April Fools Day. Why choose to hack at April Fools Day?
4) The blog address is http://ahs-namron1.blogspot.com. 1 stands for 1st april.
5) The tagboard is still present. This is a major giveaway. If the blog has been hacked, the hacker will have removed the tagboard..cause he/she doesn't have the ability to access my cbox account.
6) The links. Why is it that some of the links have descriptions of the actual person him/herself? Unless the hacker knows the person in real life.
7) And yeah. I guess the hacker wouldn't know my date of birth to blog about it.

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Here are some messages i received from friends who believed my blog was hacked.

"Hey i juz check it out! Yes ur blog has been hacked! The blog was so girley plus if m nt ur url has also been changed i n nt sure! Its ahs-namron.blogspot.com rgt? Bt the hacked one has a number 1 behind it! Scary!"

Observant..but still believed i got hacked.

"It really change. With some chinese song in the background 2"

But wait..i didn't put any chinese song. This guy is trying to fool me?

"Your Blog kena hack? It looks so... Anyway, happy birthday!"

Ok..

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Ok to be fair, some know that it's a joke. But why should i be fair when i can be unfair?

Anyway, here are some April Fools Day prank you can play on others.

1) Call anorexic patients thin. Next, say "APRIL FOOLS!"
2) Dial a random number and demand SGD50,000,000 and that you have his/her mother with you. Tell the other party not to call the police or the mother dies.
3) Threaten to riot outside the parliament and when you get caught, tell them it's just an april fools prank.
4) Play truant, give a fake MC the next day and when the teacher ask, say " Its an april fools joke"
5) Shout "BOMB" in an mrt station several times.
6) Hit the "Break glass" fire alarm button and go around shouting FIRE.
7) Bring a toy gun to a bank and ask to withdraw $5000. Bring the gun up to the counter. Make sure the banker sees the gun.

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Here are some jokes which are obvious and stupid, probably made by people who does not use their brains frequently.

1) Theres a monster behind you.
Reason: Monsters don't exist idiot. Think of a better prank? How about "Theres an ant behind you!". At least people might believe you.

2) Theres a cockroach in your mouth.
Reason: If its in my mouth, how do you know? If a cockroach unknowingly crawl all over my face then into my mouth, then i'll be able to feel/spot it since its so big.

3) A spider is making a web on your head.
Reason: Spiders love my hair? Why'd a spider climb onto my head to make a web? Are each strand of my hair so tactically placed that it is perfect for spiders to catch its prey? And i move around.

4) There is a puddle of water in front of you.
Reason: I have eyes.

5) Today is 2ND OF APRIL(:.
Reason: Unless you are trying to tell me that i overslept 24hours(which is completely stupid), otherwise your all wrong.

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Thats about it. Have a happy april fools day next year.

Norman,
Namron.

How to be an ass in the hospital

2007-03-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

How to cheer people up in a hospital
First of all, if you do not like this post, i don't care I'm not going to remove it because of you.

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The official http://ahs-namron.blogspot.com guide to cheer people up in the hospital

This guide teaches you 3 ways to cheer people up...and become an ass. Your behavior is of utmost important. After you have finished reading this guide, you will have at least 80% of the knowledge of how to cheer people up in the hospital.

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1) COVER THE BLANKET

Saw a paralyzed person? What should you do? How about...talking to him? Or cleaning him using a warm, moist towel? DON'T. When u see a paralyzed victim, cover the blanket up, especially when you notice people are coming to visit him. When his/her relatives cry, you tell them "I COVERED THE BLANKET FOR FUN, HAHAHAH!". His relatives will have a good laugh.

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2) "I'm fit and healthy. How about you?"

Went to a ward full of sickly patients? Those who are suffering from deficiencies...? How about telling them how fit you are and that you are able to attend school normally? If they have any limps missing, just remind them that you have (insert amount) more than them.

If they have any fingers missing, ask them to count one to ten using fingers. Finally, u record yourself saying 'I'm fit and healthy' in a recorder, place it in the ward, switch to the maximum volume and leave it to play continuously. The victim will definitely chuckle.

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3) OFF THE SWITCH

1st, find such a patient shown above. When you have found one, tell a joke or a story(anything will do) to the person.

(1) When the patient is not listening to you, switch off the power to his supply of oxygen and say "I'm not going to turn it on until you laugh".
(2) After the person laugh, switch it on again and continue your story/joke(provided he/she is laughing). When the patient is caught not laughing, switch it off again.
(3)Repeat step (1)&(2) as many times as possible. The victim will laugh to death.
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If any of you tried the above out...tell me.

Norman,
Namron.

High resolution tv are useless

2007-03-25T15:40:00.000+08:00

High resolution television = Useless

What is the point of high resolution television? I mean..really.. they are useless. Their main purpose (high resolution) = Useless. TV with high resolution ought to be dismantled. If you bought one, congratulations. You spent an extra thousand to watch the same low quality program shown on TV just like every other people with colored TV. When i say quality, i mean the resolution.

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Perhaps if the creator of high resolution TV had been a stall keeper instead, he/she could be so creative to the extent that:

Nasi lemak (with small plate) $2.50
Nasi lemak (with medium size plate) $3.50
Nasi lemak (with big plate) $4.30
Nasi lemak (Giant...plate) $5.00

And the customers would say " Hey! With bigger plate comes more food ". However..

.
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Those who bought high resolution TV are probably those who have been tricked by their commercials. You have probably watched their commercial with your previous set of television and exclaimed " WOW! That TV set is great! It sure is colorful!". Think again. If you are able to see how good their TV is by watching their commercial on your TV set.. then its probably a fake.

Perhaps its time to think before you buy certain things.

Norman,
Namron.

HOLIDAY SUCKS

2007-03-21T21:44:00.000+08:00

Holiday sucks

This post is another post that isn't funny. Surprised? First post in a few months about myself.

The main reason why i have not been updating is because i have been ill these few days... which many people think its not serious, which of course, isn't true. I have been sick ever since Monday(Holiday) and up till now, i have not fully recover.

My first-course

Next, i got fever which is considerably high for two days. Temperature ranging from 37.8-38.1 degree celcius. My normal temperature is usually 36.2-36.6. Fever for me is usually 37.2-37.5.
Thus, my second-course. And curse the weather. When i got high fever, it pours for days. Oh and everytime im having a fever, i always feel that im going mad or going to die. Ask me why, and i will reply "i don't know". But still... ... ask me.

Next, i got serious cough. Pneumonia? Nah, don't think its that serious. Doesn't matter. Anyway the doctor said it was quite serious and could lead to asthma or something if i had visited the doctor later. Thus i missed NCC and my third course of medicine:

This time it was pretty bad. I got side effects from the medicine and my hand tremble by itself which scared the shit out of me anyway.

My cough got better anyway but its still quite serious. I visited the doctor again and got MC (Unfit for physical exercise for TWO WEEKS)
And here is my latest one:

And that is all. I have not yet recovered lah. So if you are bored, read my Recommended posts on the right ok lah. Being ill sucks. Having mc sucks.

Norman,
Namron.

Videos

2007-03-15T16:31:00.000+08:00

Latest Videos

The haunted school

Description: A pupil wearing a cap came out of the school, and met his friend immediately. They then decided to enter the school again, but found that the school gate has locked within the 2-3seconds. What has happened?!? Nobody knows. It was such a coincidence that someone was taking a video at that time.

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The Killer (1)

An innocent man was walking home when suddenly, a mad man rushed in and deal a huge blow directly at the middle of his spinal cord. The innocent man dies immediately. The mad man decided to run in circles before proceeding to hide. Do not miss the next movie!

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The Killer (2)

A CID came. He checked the crimescene. He concluded that 'xxxxxxxxxxxxx'(Find out by watching the video). Also, the mad man was asked to be the witness of the crime. What will the madman do? Is it the end for him or WILL THE CID BE KILLED?!?!? To find out, simply watch the video.

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Norman,
Namron.

Our TV

2007-03-14T22:35:00.001+08:00

Our TV

Is your TV square or rectangle? Hopefully it is not round or oval. But that does not matter. Nowadays drama shows are getting boring. An example is shown below.
Both the guy and the girl loves each other deeply.

Guess what happened NEXT!!!

The girl left the boy for some kind of reason, like parents force or something. She waited for a bus.

Guess what happened NEXT!!!

The guy runs and coincidentally when the bus started moving off, the guy caught sight of the girl on the bus, screams her name and chase after the bus.

Guess what happened NEXT!!!

The girl will be seen crying, and the guy stops running and pant.

Guess what happened NEXT!!!

The guy turns behind and somehow, the girl is right in front of the guy. Both of them married and die in the end.

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I mean, where is the suspense? TV shows are getting more and more predictable nowadays such that people are getting tired of them. However, the example above isn't bad enough. There are worse drama shows. They are drama shows with no significant ending. As in shows of which two guys falls for a girl, and the girl has a hard time choosing 1 out of 2 of them. It all ends when the girl went to study abroad and the two guys left single and heartbroken.

Personally, these show sucks. I would have regretted watching the show in the first place if i had known that the ending would be so shitty. Can't think of better endings? Then don't start the show! Isn't it simple? I watch the show because I'm interested to find out who the girl will choose!

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And finally, the shittiest of all. The 'VOTE FOR THIS ENDING' show.

If you want me to slap the director's face, sms 01 to 75143!
If you want the me to punch the director, sms 02 to 75143!

Why does these show suck so much? Reason being that we, the audience gets to decide what ending the show will have. STUPID? 100%. This isn't a game, its a show. A DRAMA. Get real. If i want to play a game, i would not choose to pay money on such a dumbass game. Instead, GameBoy Nintendo is much better (Even if it still sucks).

Norman,
Namron.

Pen-Spinning Blows

2007-03-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

PEN
Pens exist for us to write, not for us to fling it with might and justice so as to attain high level skills to kill dragons of the devil sea or the dark witch of the south. There is a reason to why the person who created the object "pen", decided to insert ink as part of a pen. Spinning them isn't the reason, and any attempt to advocate the opposite shall be ignored.

The picture above shows a man or a woman that is unable to hold firmly to a pen properly, just like a paralyzed child. From the picture, one can see that the thumb and the index finger are trying to grab hold of the pen, which unfortunately wasn't there.

Thus, i have come to a conclusion that people who flings pen around are paralyzed child that are on the road to recovery and are receiving treatments. The patient grabbing hold of the pen between his/her index finger and thumb firmly and write an essay of not less than 100words marks the end of the treatment.

I have an dream. It is one that will outshine all other dreams. It is also one that will change the world completely, a medical improvement, that is to be able to heal paralyzed people just by slapping their face.

Also, i shall have the expression on the girl's face exactly like the picture above. I will place a pen beside the patient's hand and right after that, proceed to slap him. If the person did not recover immediately i would slap again, and slap harder when i see signs of revival. I will only stop when the patient grab firmly of the pen beside him.

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He can't hold his pen firmly! Notice how he is UNABLE to grab the pen at the last second of the video, AND HAD TO DROP THE PEN INSTEAD!!! Of which, he proceeded to hold the mice.
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And trust me, pen-spinning doesn't require much talent. What you need are
1) A pen
2) Your master hand
3) An empty place

First of all, locate your master hand.

Next, find the pen.

Now here goes the fun part, where you get to spin the pen. Follow what the video shows you and you will be able to spin a pen!

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Norman,
Namron.

Stupid things that people say

2007-03-03T16:48:00.000+08:00

No Offense, but...
following a text of atrocious bullshit, which are definitely offensive.
If you such people..

(Picture made by me)

If you are trying to be courteous, this blog is here to tell you that you aren't. Think about it. You are insulting someone and you do not mean to be offensive?

If you want to make the person you are talking to change, them tell them you mean to be offensive. Do not try to be such an idiot and say "no offense, following words that really are offensive." You are just trying to act like an angel aren't you? There are many other ways that you could tell them and not piss them off. An example is given.

"Please do not use "no offense" if you want me to change, but you are still my best friend"

Isn't this simple? If you are able to take time reading my blog, i believe you have time to add in a few more words to what you say...that includes removal of the phrase "no offense..".

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Now..how should you react when someone uses that phrase against you? Simple. Scold him. Beat him. Do anything to the extent of killing him. Nah kidding.

You could reply to them. On second thought, don't. They are "act-good people", and you hate them. Cover his mouth? No, it probably stinks. You should say

"SHUT THE HELL/F***K UP"

In most cases, they'll be pissed off and ask "whats wrong with you?", in which you reply "nothing, but there is something wrong with you. If you want to know whats wrong, visit http://ahs-namron.blogspot.com and read his blog."

Norman,
Namron.

Vote

2007-02-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

SO VOTE! Videos down or up? Next post probably tml.

Norman,
Namron.

Stop eating

2007-02-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

Stop eating, be happy.
Full? Can't stuff another mouthful of food into your mouth? Then stop eating unless you want to die and disappear from the face of this Earth, forgotten in the years to come, if not, be known as someone who eats to death and be laughed at for eternity. Famous people will write articles on how stupid you are. Sometimes, all you need is the courage to stop eating.

Don't worry, cheap scare tactics like "Every grain on rice that you left uneaten, you will gain one additional pimple." won't and will never come true. Even if they do (which they will not), there are always acne removal creams.

An Adult: But think about those poor kids who does not even have enough money to buy rice to eat for a day! And those people whose countries are in war and there isn't enough food to go about! God has given you the opportunity to have 3 meals a day. What more can you ask but to finish your food up? Just imagine if you were one of those little kids! Aren't you gonna finish your food now?!

Me: No, i'm full.
Whether i am able to finish up my food does not affect those poor kids who can't afford to eat enough, even if they deserve our pity(which they do). It doesn't matter. Even when i finish the food up, it doesn't mean food will drop from the sky for them.

Adult: Farmers work all day long just to get (insert a random number, ranging from 1-10 only) grains of rice. Just finish the food. Do not waste it.

Me: No.

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Circumstance 2
You are not full, but you do not like the food that you brought, or you just don't want to eat.

Adult: Why you eat so little and buy so much?

Me: The food isn't nice

Adult: Then why did you buy them?!?!

..
Remember, you do not know what the food taste like if you never taste them before. So how can people blame you for buying food that you don't like? Unless you are stupid enough to buy something which u already knew and dislike, they can't. So fight back!

YOU: Eating when you already know that you are full is bad. The additional food that goes into your body is stored as fats. I do not want to force myself to eat and then to force myself to exercise as a result when i can just simply don't eat them.

YOU: I do not like the food. I do not want to vomit and damage my organs when i'm just (insert your age). Unlike you.

Norman,
Namron.

Truly Singapore

2007-02-15T22:42:00.000+08:00

Truly Singapore
Few days ago, i went to a mall named "Ten-Mile Junction" for dinner. Coincidentally, that day was near to Chinese New Year, and a "god of fortune" was present. The god of fortune, obviously sponsored by Tiger Beer TM, was busy giving out paper ingots of which contains 4 random numbers.I received one of the paper ingots. A picture of a blind pig was printed on the front side of the ingot. Beneath it lies 4 random digits, which people use to buy 4D since it is given from the "god of fortune" and all.

I tore the babi apart and saw the number 3338 staring back at me, and yet another Tiger Bear TM advertisement at the side. Nothing much yah? Click on the image below.

Yep. My father got 3337, i got 3338, and my mum got 3339. They are too lazy to even make their scheme less obvious.. i mean how long does it take to shuffle a deck of cards?

...?
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On 14th February 2007,
Some tissue papers sat on a table.

These people are extremely inconsiderate and idiotic to use tissue papers to book seats. Are Singaporeans really that Kiasu? Just look at the image above. If all four seats are occupied as shown, then there are 3 "Kiasu" people and one Kiasu and brainless smoker. Smoking sucks.

And the picture above is in CBD( Central Business District), Burger King outlet. The people are supposed to be more civilized there. Suppose to be.

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TOM: Who is this idiotic asshole who try to book a seat using tissue paper!
JACK: WHAT LARH! WANT FIGHT AH?
TOM: No.
JACK: Then scram
TOM: Why?
JACK: I came first.
TOM: No, I came first.
JACK: You liar! Can't you see that tissue paper?
TOM: It is clean. Why?
JACK: ITS MINE.
TOM: But i came first. I left my dead skin cells on the table. They are of good quality.
JACK: WTF.JACK: Sorry.
TOM: It's Ok . "(=".
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So be careful of what you do! You'll never know when your picture or something you have done is broad casted on http://ahs-namron.blogspot.com!

Norman,
Namron.

COMMENTS!

How about exercising?

2007-02-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

How about exercising?

Tired of always being the famous person during PE lesson? Tired of being known as cute and chubby at the age of lets say..15? Tired of being laughed at by your friends??? Then lose some fats!

If you are truly determined to lose fats, please do not be lazy and take shortcuts. It is stupid. Here is a list of stupid ways to lose fats.

1) Eat less than one meal a day
2) Do not touch meat
3) After eating, regrets and attempt to forcefully vomit out what you ate.
4) Pills? (For people who cannot exercise due to deficiencies)

5) Go for an Operation.

I don't understand why people want to lose fats if they just don't want to exercise. I mean, if you have enough determination to lose fats, why not exercise? Do you really have to do something stupid such as above?

Like going for Operation? Makes you feel so pain and cost a bomb. Stupid? Definitely. But its outstanding. If your parents found out that you are doing it, they just have to go to the hospital and find the room named "Emergency idiot room".

I don't even understand how human beings are able to think of such a bright idea as to stay trim. It is just an advance version of cutting off your fats. Why not just cut off your fats with a knife at home? It just cost a few packets of plaster.

People who want to be slim but do not exercise just brings me to 1 conclusion. Lazy.. and fat. The worst thing is you aren't Garfield, so you ain't funny. Even if you are Garfield, you are also not funny. People laugh at how Garfield looks. Look below.

..You call this a cat?

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YOUTH.SG
By the way people! I did not get into the competition. Meanwhile you can all go and vote for contestant B7 (http://mrotaku.blogspot.com) at http://vote.youth.sg . Please do vote!!! Contestant B7 only! It just takes a few simple steps anyway.

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Yahoo or Google?

2007-02-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Yahoo or Google?
Do you people prefer to use Google or Yahoo as search engines? If you are using others search engines, which would you prefer?

Websites: Google.com Yahoo.com

I choose Google.

Why? Yahoo.com lags my computer(yep, my comp is slow) by showing me massive number of ads(even flash ads), forcefully making me to download them every time i enter the yahoo.

I mean, the main reason why most people visit search engines such as these two is to search right? Isn't that why they are known as search engines? I do not need one whole chunk of the weather forecast, fancy cars etc. Even if i do it doesn't have to be a flash animation that lag my computer, especially a sun icon changing color consistently from lighter yellow to darker yellow, then to lighter yellow again.

That is why Google is great. The website does not have stupid flashy advertisements. The people who created and maintain Google have brains. They do not want to lag the users just because they want to earn more money by letting other websites place their advertisement in them.

Google is great. Yahoo is not.(Warning, this is a personal opinion)

So which do you think is better, Yahoo or Google?

Norman,
Namron.

TNL

2007-02-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

The New Language, aka TNL.
Has anyone heard about this new "language" in the net? This language shall be addressed as TNL in http://ahs-namron.blogspot.com. Trust me, it will not take me a long time to insult this pathetic crap.

I have discovered that many people uses TNL in blogs, diarys and in fact anything that requires you to write English. It is a language ONLY used by Singaporeans, mostly teens, and are usually females. An example is shown below.

"ii um sh00 iin LURBBE wiff eu."

Lets analyze TNL, and find out how to read it.

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Analysis

"ii um sh00 iin LURBBE wiff eu."

Sentence: ii umm shoo iin LURBBE wiff eu.
Letters: 24

Pronunciation: i erm shor een lerbb weef eee-u.
Simple Pronunciation: i erm sho in lerb with you.
Checked with actualy TNL user: I am so in love with you.

Comparision:
ii um shoo iin LURBBE with eu. (24letters, barely legible)
I am so in love with you. (18letters, legible)

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It is simple. TNL= SHIT. Whoever disagrees with me is wrong. Remember, your mind is controlled by me when you are in my blog. But it seems that there are people who love using TNL despite so many disadvantages for using it.

TNL is usually used by Singaporeans who think they are cute just by writing TNL. WAKE UP!!! TNL isn't cool, and you aren't cute even though you know TNL well enough to irritate all your friends.

Next, do not try to argue that TNL can be understood by everyone because:
I do not care.
And you are wrong! Go and ask your mother tongue teachers if they understand. I believe most of them wouldn't. Go to foreign countries and ask if they understand. I bet most don't. Admit it, you are finding excuses, and these excuses aren't even good enough to defend yourself.

TNL represents friendliness.
Wrong. I have seen some blogs (go find yourself, I've forgotten all the links) which tell people to f-off just because they are unhappy with their life. Why? Control your attitude unless you want to live alone forever please. F-off your blog? Then why all the fancy links? Delete them!

Aiya nevermind lah! I write doesn't affect you right??
You are wrong again(:, don't you feel discouraged? EUU RITTE THISHH TAEP ORF LANGUEGG DARSH AIRFAG MUAII RIDDIN'..and mood you know.

There. Don't you feel that TNL is a useless form of communication? If you think so, you are right.

Umlassh euu fiil thishh issh march betta.

Norman,
Namron.

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